I wasn't formally diagnosed with ADD until my first year in college when I was 19, almost six years ago. The first medication I tried was Concerta, it didn't help very much at all. I switched to Adderall XR shortly after. It worked wonderfully for about a year and I then switched over to the non extended release. It also worked well for about half a year but later caused some pretty serious side effects which included extreme paranoia that someone was going to kill me, specifically extreme fear that was uncontrollable that someone was going to shoot me through my bedroom window and also the fear that I would be shot in the head and the extent of it was where I would actually have flashes of being shot in the head. It was absolutely horrible and would keep me awake at all hours of the night, I believe alot of this fear came from the fact that I going through a year long physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. Unfortunately this was not the first time for that, I went through my first abusive relationship in 8th grade with my first serious relationship which also lasted a year. After that like I mentioned above about depression, I was put on numerous different medications at an early age atleast 10 maybe 15 different meds. I pretty much lost faith in anything ever working for my depression. So at this current time I am on Vyvanse which I've been on since changing for adderall after the side effects I was enduring about 4 years ago. I started out with 50mg and after a month was bumped up to 70mg. About 2 years ago I started seeing a NP for a psychiatrist who seemed to really understand me and even though 70mg is the highest recommended dosage, which had stopped working for several months. She started prescribing me 70mg & 30mg. It worked for a little while but Ive had problems with it for a very long time and tried many different things because for one I don't even know how safe it is to be taking that much and def dont know that it would be safe to up that dosage. Vyvanse is a somewhat new medication, still doesn't have a generic but I've read many blogs about other ppl having the same problem with it. Im trying to make this as short as I can but I have alot to say bc no one seems to really understand and I feel that the women here def do understand. I tried switching back to adderallXR and it didnt help me at all. I also tried getting off the medication completely for about 3 months and that was absolutely horrible so I got back on the Vyvanse and it worked for a short amount of time. A little less than a year ago I was in a relationship that was emotionally abusive until 4 months in when it turned dramatically. He broke my ribs, and held me hostage while beating me for three days until I was finally able to get free due to my mother and stepfather showing up to rescue me from it all. It was extremely traumatizing but for some reason I felt that I handled it better than any of the other abuse throughout all the years. I was paranoid for a pretty long time though and I pressed charges. Since then I have met a man that I have been with and lived with for the past 9 months who is absolutely wonderful to me. Problem is, I have no motivation to get a job or do anything really, I journal and read alot when my medication works which there are days that it does but many more days it doesn't when I take a "vacation" for my meds I have extreme uneasiness, anxiety, racing thoughts and what I think may be mania or the less severe mania cant remember the name for it at the time. Plus I don't get out of bed. I feel like Im in a terrible rut, I just moved 5 1/2 hours away from my home town and family. Have no friends here or ppl to talk to, have trouble going out there to find a job bc of social anxiety i experience. PPL around me think I'm just lazy but I swear that isn't really it. I don't know what to do. I'm lost in a major way but have found some new interests and faith recently. Please if anyone has any feedback for me it would be very appreciate.
I wonder if you have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as well based on your abusive relationships i particular the last one. Have you ever taken medication for depression or moods? Do you see the therapist regualrly? It sounds like you need your medication regularly. I often wondered and also my family doctor who prescribes for me I htink didn't want me to take on the weekends. .. . he thought it would work better during hte week. .. but the psychologist said taking it every day gave me a consistent "normal" vs feeling different on differnt days. The racing thoughts may be just the ADHD and maybe depression from the traumatic things. Not getting out of the bed could be depression. I don't think you're lazy. I know growing up I was a low energy person. the medicine helps with the energy sometimes but I still kind of cycle in and out of extremes in tiredness. Right now I am depressed somewhat too - with good reason - but anyhow it makes symptoms worse.
It is much easier to give advice to people than maybe it is for me to follow it myself, but I think you need to work on setting your own goals if you want to make changes. First of all do you want to change. I think your answer is yes or you wouldn't have written this. I think you have to determine why you want to change. ... what is your motivation to change because that will be what drives you when it is difficult to keep the change going. Set maybe 3 very small goals for yourself. . .. just an example. . .. I will get up out of bed and get dressed every day by 10:00 AM. Something very specific to guide you. Then you ahve to do it for about 21 days to make a habit. It's hard for us to skip the steps and it sounds like your overall goal is to get a job. That's a hard thing even for people without ADHD and social anxiety. Before you can get to the job part, you'd have to be able to get up and get ready to get there. I heard a motivational speaker that said that when the alarm goes off get up right that second and get moving right then because motion begets motion and keep moving.
I'm jumping around some - medication gone and exhausted too - but my medication helps calm me somewhat and it also makes me more outgoing and helps with my confidence and mild social anxiety.
Back to taking things in small steps and small doses. Does your boyfriend minid you staying in the bed all day? I think if you get up and get ready it will help wiht the way you feel about yourself. I hate getting ready in the mornings. It takes me forever because it is absolutely boring - the same thing every day - fixing hair and makeup. It is hard for me to stay still and I don't. I have to get up way to early to be ready on time. It is a challenge. Don't give up on yourself. It is hard and if you have faith just remember God is with you. Maybe if you don't have a job you could go volunteer with something on a regular basis. It will give you commitment to something and they will depend on you for what you volunteer for and that will motivate you to get there - meals on wheels, boys and girls club, something with the elderly, at a hospital it doesn't have to be big time or extravagant. You could volunteer to help kids at a school if they do that in your area. It will make you feel better about yourself. I'd start with the getting up regularly and make a schedule for your day if you can. I'm not great at that because I have so many thoughts and ideas on things and get lost in all of them.
I've rambled, hope I made sense. Good luck. Keep me updated.
Thank you for the reply susan. Yes I believe I def have PTSD, currently Im not on anything for depression. I have been given countless different meds for it at different points in my life. I don't currently have a therapist bc I just moved not long ago but found a family doctor that continues to prescribe me my Vyvanse and Klonopin. Any ideas on what meds help with the PTSD? Yes I def believe my medication helps me alot with my low energy problem and motivation. I recently skipped two days and it wasn't nearly as hard as it has been for me at times and took my meds today and can notice it working. The only problem with skipping is what I mentioned above and mainly depression and very hard to get the motivation to do anything. It's amazing how hard it can be for ppl with add to get up every morning and take a shower every day. At one time it was very difficult for me to do those things that normal ppl do like showering everyday but I have been working on that for about a year now and it has become much much easier. Little things like that, which may not seem like an easy thing without the habit but it makes you feel much better about yourself. I do want to change most def. It is very important to me not only for my future but my happiness and the feeling of productiveness. I need to start making small goals. I think maybe all it is that I need is something for the depression or PTSD added to the meds im currently taking to better my motivation and mood. I do def. have faith in God and I have not always been able to say that unfortunately. Thank you for your reply, and if you or anyone else has any more advice it would def be appreciated. I am on a much more positive note today and it feels good on those days. There will always be hard days too and I am aware of that and just like Ive heard so many times I know medication is not a cure or magic pill but more like a bandaid to help you help yourself. Great idea on the getting into volunteering. Ive always wanted to help ppl dealing with abuse but have no idea where to start on that or look for it? If anyone has any ideas on how to get started with things such as helplines where I can help others that are going through similiar situations that Ive had to go through. That is my main motivation or goal in life, to help others! I plan on writing a book one day, already working on it. That is def something that gives me a sense of purpose. I believe nothing in life happens by chance, everything is for a specific purpose. Therefore, I would not take anything back that has happend to me bc I can better help others with certain situations due to the fact that I personally have been through them. I never want any woman to have to go through what ive been through and if they are and want help I want to give them that help. Peace & Love to all the women on here!
Alyssia ~ I'm so sorry you have struggled so and have had some very traumatic experiences. I thought of PTSD right away. I think it might help for you to get help with so you can be in a better position emotionally to help others who are also going through what you have. I think that is a wonderful goal to help others that way. It's just like Elizabeth Smart doing what she is for kids, but I think she has also gotten some help to process some of the pain too. --- it is likely too that you need a combo of meds -- something for the ADHD and something for depression from PTSD. Work with someone qualified with that to help you deal with those issues.
Getting help so you can be as heatlhy as possible in your life is a good thing. I pray God will help lead you along to the people who can be of most help to you and help you to be in a good place so you can fulfil your dream of helping others with what you've been through.
Have you heard of Henry Cloud and Steven Artiburn. Henry is a Psychitrist. I've heard them on the radio, on New Life Live. They might still have a website too. They've written some good Christian books too. They are very compassionate. I think there are some New Life Clinics that might be helpful. They have talked about people who take medication for mental health issues in their show. I'd see if there was anything in your area to help you, or maybe you could make a contact where they would be able to recommend someone in your area. ----just a thought that came to mind. Then maybe you could get connection with some compassionate people who might know how to help. Hugs to you. ~ Marr
P.S. - I picked up a book at the library The _______ Tiger about people who go through trauma like yours. I'm on the road right now and I will try to remember to post the title if you'd like to read it.
Ur words bring tears to my eyes. :( I'm sorry you had to go throu such bullshit. I have been diagnosed for two months. The first month i was on concerta. It made me feel like i was on crack. So i cut it open and smoked it to see. I refused to go on it~ only when i had a agenda for the day, otherwise i just lay in bed. 24hours sleeping, not even to go to washroom. I brought my concerns to my new pyschatrist who specializes in ADD~ My doctor in the past fucked me over by over perscribing paxil and within 6months i was in a mania and commited. Lets just say, the medical community agreed i had mental health and was not a crimainal. I reminded her everyday how she sucks, so thankfully now, shes sending me to specialists.
I am glad you have found someone who loves you now. I too have. I've tried to push him away so many times, but hes still here. Prior to him, i was in abusive relationships. I call them manipulators. They're so fuct up and insecure, they demolish your self esteem so you think no one else would ever love you. Also, the cops charged my first bf that i moved out with. I thought that behavior was ok, cause i beat him up too. But i didnt want to go home with the tail inbetween my legs, hearing silly T...When the cops came, I wouldnt charge him cuz i didnt want my parents to find out. So the cops charged him. And my stepdad came the next weekend to grab me. I've only made him red, but he was purple in anger. What i'm getting at is, its not your fault.
I was completely indifferent about life before taking Vyvanese. A job is like a bus, one comes by every 15 min cuz i lost mine al the time. Your not lazy, your depressed and perhaps traumatized...
whats cbt Kelly B?
i have adhd, depression and ptsd. anti depressants helped with my ptsd and depression. i had a huge trauma a few years ago. I had some CBT like counselling and trauma counselling with lady who new about adhd and trauma. Still on going issues and PTSD and depression coming back again.