Can definitely relate. My life situation is different - I'm single. But I'm 50 and have a college degree (though it's creative writing, not IT or something lucrative . . . ). I started having panic attacks when I tried to be a graduate teaching assistant. I wanted to be a professor, but after that teaching year there went that dream. I went through 50 jobs in 30 years, with either anxiety, agoraphobia, ADD, PTSD or some kind of "D" messing up the jobs. I'm on Social Security Disability now, and actually I'm OK with that. It's a time to regroup. I'm hoping to at least be able to do something freelance eventually with my writing and art interests.
Don't know what advice to give you except don't make yourself feel bad for feeling bad, if you know what I mean. That's sometimes enough for one day. In other words, don't feel guilty for being depressed, that'll just depress you more. Don't feel like you have to apologize to the world for not being a bubbly extrovert. We all have something to contribute. Embrace the musical gift you have and first use it for you, just enjoy it, don't even worry about performance for a little while.
Regroup, replenish, recharge your batteries. Do some brainstorming about the possibility of natural treatments, research what's good and not gimmicky. I've heard good things about Omega-3's and other dietary changes. Make sure your vegetarian diet provides essential nutrients. For awhile I was getting depressed more because I was low on Vitamin D. Maybe have your doctor check your blood, thyroid, hormones (are you anywhere near perimenopause territory perhaps?).
Hope this helps and that better days are ahead for you.
Yes, there most certainly is hope for you. As long as you have things to live for, there will always be hope.
On another note, I think you should work towards doing things that make you feel that you can support yourself. Yes, everyone needs help sometimes, but to feel you should rely on your husband so much, I think can be unhealthy. I've seen it do weird shit to some women. I think it's more important to think of your relationship as being in a sort of loving partnership where each person works together equally... I've seen serious tensions happen over money, even with my own parents.
I know that's a lot of space to dedicate to talking about relationships, but stress from romantic relationships can be huge. It is important that, despite your being in one, you can still very clearly see yourself as an individual who can exist without the other.
Best of luck to you!
Hopping Bunny: I have a friend who has a degree in creative writing. It looks neat. :)
My point was you have to be able to see yourself very clearly as someone outside of the relationship, i.e. if something were to happen where you and him were no longer together, you would feel totally able to take care of things. That's very important.
I also have anxiety and it sounds like your anxiety meds aren't actually working for you. Talk to your dr about lexapro and celexa. They are the best and newest out there and even help with depression. Plus they don't usually have any side effects. I take celexa myself and it was like a whole new world for me after years of trying every other anti-anxiety med. I'd also look into counseling. It can help to learn some techniques for dealing with anxiety and perhaps even for dealing add as well! Best of luck!
Psychotherapy is very useful. There are many different kinds. Cognitive behavioural psychotherapy has proven very useful for me, especially with my crazy anxiety issues. I've used Mind Over Mood with plenty of success.