For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect

Can anyone here help me out?

I wonder if there is any hope for me living to my fullest potential. I don't want to sound so negative as I am in touch with the positives in my life. I come from a living family and my husband is very kind and supportive. I generally enjoy my work as a dance teacher because it's creative, but I struggle very much to stay focused. I work part time,usually 4-5 hours per day, but after 3 hours I struggle to focus. I feel as though things that everyone else seem to take in stride exhaust me. Driving anywhere exhausts me because I am so afraid something bad will happen. I had a dream of living away from my hometown but I feel trapped here. In high school, I was told that I was learning disabled, and made to feel very unintelligent. I was placed in classes where my classmates were either high on drugs or unable to read. I read at three years old. I feel like my life consists of me trying to prove that I am capable, but feeling that I'm not deep down. I did receive a large talent scholarship to a conservatory for dance after high school, but my anxiety and tendency to feel immediately humiliated if I make a mistake in front of others prevented me from finishing my degree. I was actually re- accepted ( if that's an actual word) the the university, but we cannot afford the 70 k I'd owe at the end. There are certainly things in my life that I am proud of, I've been
making a great hourly pay doing what I enjoy, I am proud to be a vegetarian for over a decade, I'm proud that I chose a wonderful partner, and i am proud that i can sing well.In spite of those things,however, I still feel like a failure in
some ways. In the past several years I have become more and more
withdrawn, and have to be dragged out of the house to socialize, and even then I just feel so very uncomfortable. I recently met with a booking agent for a job as a vocalist he said to me," everyone and their mother wants to be a singer, in your case I think you should actually pursue singing,your attractive enough and your demo is pretty great. The issue is you're a shrinking violet, not confident, and not independent and I think you will get eaten alive out there." I felt very embarrassed, happy that he recognized my vocal abilities, but ashamed that I cannot hide how I feel deep down, overwhelmed and shy. I am dependent on my husband and family to drive me certain places, I am dependent on my husband to support our household ( which I'm old fashioned and think a man should, but I want to feel successful as well and like i could if i wanted to). Im overwhelmed keeping up with the house and working p/ t though. I am dependent on anti- anxiety pills to make me feel normal sometimes. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be on constant medications; I would like to find a natural way( hypnosis?), and
stimulants make me feel very sick anyway. Can anyone relate to my story or
have advice on how to really become all that I can be and not settle. I feel extremely restless and it's making me depressed.

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Permalink Reply by HoppingBunnyRabbitGal on July 30, 2012 at 6:32pm

Can definitely relate. My life situation is different - I'm single. But I'm 50 and have a college degree (though it's creative writing, not IT or something lucrative . . . ). I started having panic attacks when I tried to be a graduate teaching assistant. I wanted to be a professor, but after that teaching year there went that dream. I went through 50 jobs in 30 years, with either anxiety, agoraphobia, ADD, PTSD or some kind of "D" messing up the jobs. I'm on Social Security Disability now, and actually I'm OK with that. It's a time to regroup. I'm hoping to at least be able to do something freelance eventually with my writing and art interests.

Don't know what advice to give you except don't make yourself feel bad for feeling bad, if you know what I mean. That's sometimes enough for one day. In other words, don't feel guilty for being depressed, that'll just depress you more. Don't feel like you have to apologize to the world for not being a bubbly extrovert. We all have something to contribute. Embrace the musical gift you have and first use it for you, just enjoy it, don't even worry about performance for a little while.

Regroup, replenish, recharge your batteries. Do some brainstorming about the possibility of natural treatments, research what's good and not gimmicky. I've heard good things about Omega-3's and other dietary changes. Make sure your vegetarian diet provides essential nutrients. For awhile I was getting depressed more because I was low on Vitamin D. Maybe have your doctor check your blood, thyroid, hormones (are you anywhere near perimenopause territory perhaps?).

Hope this helps and that better days are ahead for you.

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Permalink Reply by Littlenknoo on July 30, 2012 at 10:17pm

Hi, thanks for the response. I hope you find some cool freelance work when you are ready. I will look into the omega3s. My diet is pretty balanced and I generally " eat the whole rainbow plus beans and grains and soy. I do think that vitamin d may be deficient though when it's winter because I feel sad when the leaves fall off the trees and days are shorter. Im not perimenopausal as far as i know, im 30, so i probably ave 10 years or so. Also,You are right I don't have to be a bubbly extrovert! I just hate that people automatically seem to think I'm a mean or weird or overly serious person when I actually love to laugh. All the best to you...

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Permalink Reply by Flora on July 31, 2012 at 7:00am

Yes, there most certainly is hope for you. As long as you have things to live for, there will always be hope.

On another note, I think you should work towards doing things that make you feel that you can support yourself. Yes, everyone needs help sometimes, but to feel you should rely on your husband so much, I think can be unhealthy. I've seen it do weird shit to some women. I think it's more important to think of your relationship as being in a sort of loving partnership where each person works together equally... I've seen serious tensions happen over money, even with my own parents.

I know that's a lot of space to dedicate to talking about relationships, but stress from romantic relationships can be huge. It is important that, despite your being in one, you can still very clearly see yourself as an individual who can exist without the other.

Best of luck to you!

Hopping Bunny: I have a friend who has a degree in creative writing. It looks neat. :)

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Permalink Reply by Littlenknoo on July 31, 2012 at 11:16am

I apologize if I painted the picture that I feel unequal to my husband Our partnership is equal, However, I bring different things to the relationship: I take care of the house, cooking, cleaning, savings, and money for leisure activities. I have no issue with that, nor does he. I could see it causing tension if I didn't make my own money and then was using his Income on shopping sprees or something frivolous ( this caused some trouble in my house growing up) I couldnt live that way as I like making my own money, and. I like working part time. the actual issue for me is wishing I felt smarter and trusted my own intelligence. I feel like having ADHD teaches us not to trust ourselves or our abilities...

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Permalink Reply by Flora on July 31, 2012 at 12:21pm

My point was you have to be able to see yourself very clearly as someone outside of the relationship, i.e. if something were to happen where you and him were no longer together, you would feel totally able to take care of things. That's very important.

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Permalink Reply by Littlenknoo on July 31, 2012 at 12:54pm

Oh, I see. Well financially I'd need to live home again, but that's fine as my family is very close, but yes I'd see myself as an individual with things to offer. Of corse, I hope that would never happen because after some goofy past relationships, with my husband, I believe I've found a true keeper: kind thoughtful and loyal.

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Permalink Reply by Tiffany M on July 31, 2012 at 1:17pm

I also have anxiety and it sounds like your anxiety meds aren't actually working for you. Talk to your dr about lexapro and celexa. They are the best and newest out there and even help with depression. Plus they don't usually have any side effects. I take celexa myself and it was like a whole new world for me after years of trying every other anti-anxiety med. I'd also look into counseling. It can help to learn some techniques for dealing with anxiety and perhaps even for dealing add as well! Best of luck!

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Permalink Reply by Flora on July 31, 2012 at 1:26pm

Psychotherapy is very useful. There are many different kinds. Cognitive behavioural psychotherapy has proven very useful for me, especially with my crazy anxiety issues. I've used Mind Over Mood with plenty of success.