For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect

FINALLY - aged 37, I feel like a lifetime of problems now make sense...

My God so many stories on here that sound EXACTLY like me!
I am 37 and my story is almost identical to so many others on here.
I'm just waiting to see a psychiatrist for diagnosis, my psychologist has been really great after I stumbled across some web pages on ADD and was astounded how much it sounded like me. To the point that I was reading people's stories in floods of tears! She agreed and referred me to the ONLY psychiatrist in the whole NW of England that deals with adult cases. I'm lucky she is so understanding. I think it's been a learning curve for her too.
I was sent to for therapy FINALLY after years of frustration and useless counselling because doctors thought i was depressed due to my extremely poor motivational issues. The signs were all there now I look right back into my childhood. Sadly that was in the 70s so no one thought anything was wrong, they just saw me as an extreme daydreamer! Even my mum agrees and said she had thought something wasn't right in adult years but wasn't sure exactly what, and knowing I was constantly seeking help via my GP she thought I was on the right track...sadly, spotting a mental disorder isn't the same as spotting the measles or a broken leg, so I soldiered on for years constantly trying to get through life, always starting and failing courses, jobs, relationships, being too sensitive in friendships...etc etc. You all know the drill!
Just waiting very impatiently for the appointment now as I've recently begun a degree course and I'm really struggling with the academic side of it. Spent the day in tears today because I just don't know how to begin an assignment and eventualy buried my head back under my covers and wished the world would go away. Try explaining it to everyone else and they just respond blankly as though you're OBVIOUSLY lazy or something. Or having a bad day... because they see the side of you that's all 'together' and seemingly fine, after 37 years I've mastered the art of coming across as being somewhat intelligent.
This has massively affected my self esteem over the years because of my inabiity to stick at tasks or at jobs, I've got myself into ridiculous situations financially and shrug them off until they're ten times worse and it's too late.
I feel sad at the amount of my life that I've spent daydreaming days away at home and then being told I'm depressed. Thankfully I always turned down the medication!
On the other hand I'm a natural entertainer and socialite and once I come out of my reclusive state (which I can happily live in for DAYS) I can go to the opposite extreme and I'm the life and soul of any situation, I'm a big ideas person and am naturally very creative, quick witted and apparently I'm really funny...I've even been referred to as a genus by many an academic which always astounds me somewhat... everyone thinks I'm really intelligent and confident but inside my head I feel like it's nothing but complete and utter chaos and I even feel like something of a fraud if I manage to pass myself off as being this intelligent and confident woman, because of the state this has gotten my life into. For years I wondered to myself why would any man want to be with me once they work out what I'm 'really' like? Madness i know, because i have a lot of really great qualities too! I'm learning to love those qualities more and accept that without my flaws I wouldn't be ME.
All connected to the self teem issues I guess.
My relationships have always turned to cr@p (pardon my French) and mostly because I put too much emphasis on the person too soon and can't seem to concentrate on anything else. Then I get neurotic because I constantly need to know where I stand and need arrangments and communication firmly in place at all time. I cant deal with the uncertainty that a breakdown in communication even for a few hours might bring, it makes me ill with worry and eventually it shows and the relationship falls apart.
Now I'm just hoping I get the diagnosis as I so desperately need help and support with my degree. I've finally found what it is I want to do (acting and scriptwriting) and I've taken to it like a duck to water, but the stress barrier has finally hit me and I'm at THAT stage where I've given up so many times before...

Anyway, if anyone is ACTUALLY still reading and haven't gone off half way through...thanks! And I will be referring back to this page a lot over the foreseeable future.
It helps just to read that there isn't REALLY anything that wrong with me...we're all just humans with our quirky flaws and such...imperfection is beauty after all.

Y x

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Permalink Reply by Jae on January 10, 2013 at 1:06am

You are NOT alone, Yvette. Welcome! Jae

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Permalink Reply by Theotterone on January 18, 2013 at 8:08pm

Not alone at all. I'm 37 too, diagnosed at 34 after being told for 24 years I was NOT ADHD. Now I'm understanding why I have little motivation. Why I get distracted and can't finish stuff. Meds are tools but coaching, therapy and reading for strategies to go with will make the meds work better! Good luck and welcome!

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Permalink Reply by Ange on January 18, 2013 at 8:41pm

I agree you're not alone. I'm 35 and was just recentlu told I lean towards ADD. After much discussion with my doctor she prescribed Adderall for me. I take one in the morning before my shift at work and it does wonders to help me get through it. She said I could take another in the afternoon but I haven't so far. I usually drink decaf coffee in the morning and then a cup of regular in the afternoon which works really well for me.

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Permalink Reply by Kate on January 19, 2013 at 12:41am

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Edgar Allan Poe

Alone

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Permalink Reply by Kate on January 19, 2013 at 1:02am

Hi I'm Kate, I'm 38 and have such a simular story to yours as well as a lot of others on this site. I have a lot to say and share about myself, (as always) =) now is just not I good time however, I have to finish a lot of stuff that was due to be done yesterday..:/ I just wanted to share this poem from one of my favorite poets. I meant to send it in the same comment but messed it up somehow???

Have a great night ! And Enjoy!!

Kate

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Permalink Reply by MARY MACEDO on January 20, 2013 at 9:01pm

Your definely not alone. I was diagnosis at the age of 4. My parents were abusive and I have never felt safe nor loved. I was re diagnosis at the age of 28. I have never dated nor do I believe anyone can ever love the real me and my adhd. Its sad cause I am a woman who has a lot to give in a relationship. I could have turned to drugs or alcohol bit I chose to learn to work in the healthcare field. Maybe one day I can love but I must love my adhd and myself

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Permalink Reply by MARY MACEDO on January 20, 2013 at 9:03pm

My spell check sucks . I meant but not bit

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Permalink Reply by Yvette on January 24, 2013 at 5:07pm

Hi all! Thanks for all the lovely notes - really nice to get so much feedback and support.
Well, I was diagnosed yesterday - ADHD! Quite a surprise as I was sure it was going to be ADD!
Start on Ritalin on Saturday. I'm quite nervous about it to be honest, but going to give it a go and see how I feel... X

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Permalink Reply by Hello246 on January 26, 2013 at 12:15am

There will come a time when you will be able to laugh at yourself. Mostly out of the happiness of just knowing you aren't just off..for no reason. I smiled really big when I read the part where you don't know where to begin, so you go back to the covers where it's safe. I did the exact same thing today! I do it all the time. I must say that I have been taking meds for about a year now and they have been very, very effective. Good Luck to you and keep your head up. It's not as bad as it seems. now that you know, work hard on your coping/life skills. You'll be okay!

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Permalink Reply by Toomuch on January 28, 2013 at 11:47am

I am like you almost to the letter, except I wasn't diagnosed until 50, by then I was extremely depressed. I take anti-depressants and they really help, but taking adderall makes the biggest difference. I take 20mg before work, one at noon and recently added one when I get home in the evening. In two years my career has turned from poor performer to meets expectations. But when I got home, I was back to disorganized, inattentive, unfocused. I take adderall when I get home and I have begun to dig myself out of years of clutter piled up everywhere. I am able to keep my kitchen clean and clutter free, my sofa and living room floor is clear. I don't move piles, I take one area and put things away. My house is still disorganized and cluttered in places, but I am still working on it everyday. I have a plan, goals and guidelines I follow everyday until they become habits. Someday's I have a hard time remembering or focusing, but I have catch words that help me to get things done. Every day a little more gets done.