For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect
I'm Tiffany. I'm 28, married to a Dr, and have been diagnosed with ADD since 3rd grade. I'm currently a SAHW, which is boring and depressing. I'm trying to decide what to do next with my life. I was previously a full-time nanny, but my second family has now outgrown me and I don't really have the desire to continue raising other people's kids at this point. Also, my husband, having finally started his career this year, would prefer me to be home instead. He works every other week (80 hrs on his "on" week), so he doesn't want me to be gone when he is finally home. I don't really want to be gone either, especially since there is not really any job I am all that interested in doing now that my working is completely unneccesary. The plan was to be pregnant or have a child by now. So far, that has not worked out in the way I wanted it to. Now I am kind of stuck with my wheels spinning, trying to find a purpose. Would LOVE to be a Bree Van De Kamp sort of a housewife and have that as my purpose, but I am pretty hopeless when it comes to cleaning, organizing, decorating and managing my time at home.
Permalink Reply by Flora on Honestly your husband seems a bit inconsiderate IMO. And maybe you could try working on some classes? Just whatever interests you, you know?
I should say, he is supportive of me going to school or working if I really want to, but I'm just not sure what I want to do.
Flora said:
Honestly your husband seems a bit inconsiderate IMO. And maybe you could try working on some classes? Just whatever interests you, you know?
Permalink Reply by Maria on I always dream of getting to stay home but I know I would probably suck at that, too. IDK, maybe it's just me, but I think the hardest thing about ADD is that it makes it hard to be truly great at most any job... I'm sure there are exceptions, but for most of us, having to organize our time, practicing self discipline, maintaining focus on boring tasks, etc, is a set up for failure. It's frustrating.
Maybe you could do some sort of a volunteer job? Walking dogs, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, hanging out with an elderly person... IDK... But just having something to get you out of the house for an hour even might give you a bit of structure and help you to get into gear, maybe!
Permalink Reply by Flora on Tiff: Maybe it's time to just try a bunch of new things. Maybe things you haven't even thought you'd ever want to do lol :)
Permalink Reply by Natalie_in_WA on Hey Tiffany,
Your story sounds incredibly similar to mine...I'm 30, was diagnosed at 14 with ADD, and, although I'm currently expecting a baby in November, I got married at 28 and worked part time as a substitute teacher (something I'm not very good at) for the first two years of my marriage, which made me basically a stay-at-home wife. Even now, with a baby on the way, I still find myself struggling periodically with the same questions/issues you describe. I could pretty much write most of your post myself! (although my husband isn't a doctor he does make a decent living that allows for me not to need to work) I went to college, got good grades, and even went back to get a teaching certificate, but find that, as Maria said in a previous post, I struggle with work because even when I am interested in something, I have a difficult time being competent in enough aspects of the job to make it a worthwhile pursuit. It's a bummer at times, especially when I start comparing myself to others. Sometimes I really hate having a "brain on ADD." I really hope that you can figure something out for yourself, but at least for now know that there is someone out there who really identifies with your struggle!
Permalink Reply by Crystal on Hello Tiffany, I was reading your story and i can somewhat understand how you could just be going stir crazy.. Have you tried using the parts of ADD that good... Are you creative? are you good with computers? pick something that you enjoy doing and start from there.. and you do have a purpose. your purpose isnt what you do with your free time.. Its the gift we have that a lot of the time can be very trying and draining but its also lets us have a lot of qualities that not many people have... take care :)
Permalink Reply by Marely on Hi Tiffany - you are lucky to have choices, at least. I agree with Maria & Flora - and volunteering is a great way to try new things, get some additional skills, make contacts if you do decide to work, or even get into a paid job - and all mostly on YOUR terms! It isn't the typical volunteering maybe our mothers or grandmothers did anymore. And, though it's kind of patronizing and out-of-date, I think male Drs. still get more respect from their peers and bosses if they have wives who are "doing good works" in the community. Like sitting on a board, or running a fundraising event, or maybe training other volunteers (at the hospital, for example). I believe everyone has a "purpose" in this world (and I'm not religious), and many talents and passions. You just have to get back in touch with yours (I bet you knew when you were a child!) There are people to help with this - even a good volunteer centre can do this, ideally. I hope you will follow up on this - that's the hardest part, with ADD, I find. And, for the record - I'm also a teacher - not very good within the regular school system but GREAT (not just my opinion LOL) in the right settings. I've also been a volunteer coordinator for many years, so I do know how that system works. Go for it! (And, I bet once you are focused on something else, Bingo! you'll get pregnant - it often happens. But you'll be a better role model to your kids if they see you busy and fulfilled and making a difference in the world, I guarantee it!) Best of luck!
© 2013 Created by Terry Matlen, ACSW.
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