I have been on medication for 2 years for my ADHD but during that time I also dealt with the loss of my father. It was actually the grief I was experiencing that lead me to seek treatment for my ADHD. When my father was in his last days, my best friend at the time was such a help to me. At his funeral, she stayed with me as much as she could t make sure I had whatever I needed. She was always the better friend. :)
While I was dealing with this loss, I allowed myself to lose touch with her. We live in the same town and have known each other since high school, but I dropped the ball. She deals with depression so I think that maybe she had to distance herself during this time. It was not unusual to go a week or 2 without talking to each other because of both of our crazy lives, but I looked up one day a realized that it had been months since I heard from her. At that point I was paralyzed with fear about what she must be thinking. Maybe she thinks I'm ungrateful and that I would never be there for her like she was for me.
It's been over 2 years now and I don't know where to begin. She was my only close friend I had. I have some friends that I'm close to, but none like her. Has anyone else had to deal with reconnecting after a long time apart? Is it possible that I should just release her and assume she doesn't want to talk to me? Anything you guys want to add will be helpful.
Deanuh, I would just pour out my heart to her, and tell her how appreciative you are that w=she was there for you when you needed her, but I know that if she is truly the friend you say she is she will also understand that you withdrew to deal with your grief. Now that with her help you feel strong enough to reach out, I truly believe she will welcome you back with open arms. But I would not let any more time pass because it will just get more difficult as you talk yourself out of contact with her. As much as we hate confrontation & I think us ADDers are masters at avoiding difficult situations by making the decision to just do nothing (believe me, I am dealing with this right now) and I have waited to the point that it might be too late for me. The quicker and more honest you can be the better. I will pray that God gives you the strength and wisdom you need to follow through. Pray for me also, if you find the time, because your situation brings to mind one I have found myself in where I now feel people have drawn (wrong) conclusions about me and are shunning me just because I was so afraid of making a decision I made the decision to not make one. So I have been avoiding the emotional aspects by avoiding the person whom I sincerely adore but who is now acting as though I don't care at all and I feel so alone. Trust me, taking a risk is way better than letting anxiety paralyze you. God will be with you. Thanks for putting me on your friend list. I hope we can help each other through this dilemma. Love and prayers. Jo
Hello, Deanuh: I echo what Jo had to say. The longer you wait the harder it will be to take action. It sounds like you are in a place where your grief for your Dad isn't so debilitating and you are ready to get back to living life with all the things that used to make you happy; that being is reconnecting with your friend, who was very special to you. Making the first move will be so empowering. You never know, esp. if your friend has difficulty with depression, she may be feeling the same way. She may have been wanting to reconnect with you and is assuming all the things you have been which has caused you to hold back about reconnecting her. If you are not comfortable with calling her on the phone, write her a letter. Better yet, send her an invitation to lunch someplace you two may have liked to go to when you were friends. You may, also, not know that she has been sick or laid up (let's hope not), but what I am trying to say is she may have been going through something that has made it impossible for her to get a hold of you.
I have a brother who hasn't spoken to me since my Dad died in 1992. He lives out in Bend, Oregon and me, my Mom and most of my sisters live here in Wisconsin & Minnesota. For the longest time, he wouldn't even talk to my Mom or my sisters. Although, he has started talking to my Mom now, which I was happy about because if she died while he still had a bug up his butt, I knew he would feel worse than he was already feeling. Like I said, he has not made any effort to make contact with me, ever when I was going through 2 brain surgeries & radiation. However, every year I have sent him at least a birthday card. When he turn 50, I wrote him a letter telling him I really don't know why me won't talk to me. If he can't tell me what I did wrong, I can't fix it much less say I am sorry. I, also, told him if it had something to do with our Father's death, and I said something during a time when all our emotions were running high; it obviously wasn't that important at least to me because it has been so long I totally can't remember what could have been said. We grew up in a very dysfunctional family and he had done somethings that were not very nice to some members of my family. I tried to tell him that what he did, I may not have approved of, but yet on the other hand, he, too, was a victim to the dysfunction in our family and it was sad for everyone involved. But, what he needed to do, first & foremost, was to forgive himself and not worry about whether or not anyone else forgave him. His 50th birthday was over 5 years ago and I still haven't heard from him. But, it is okay with me because I tried to reconnect. With all this said, I do know somewhat how you feel. Like I said: Step up to the plate and make an honest effort in reconnecting with your friend. You won't know if she is feeling the same way unless one of you takes the first step. It sounds like you are ready. I say go for it; what do you have to lose except some of that guilt you have been carrying around.
Jo Ellen PS. Jo & I are not related, but we share the same first name & have also become friends through this forum. We, also, belong to the Group: Artist & ADD in this same place. Go up to Groups, and check us out.
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