For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect
I'm not sure what to do anymore.
I now feel so overwhelmed by all of my problems that I do not know where to begin, so excuse me if my writing structure is really choppy. I'm just feeling so lost.
1. I feel hopeless because of how overwhelmed I feel worrying about my health problems.
2. I feel like my doctor is more concerned with getting his appointments done quicker, and so, doesn't try to understand my situation thoroughly.
3. The attention span thing is a pain in the ass.
4. I get worried about whether or not I do have ADHD because I'm not sure if I can trust my doctor for a proper diagnosis because of reason #2.
5. I feel like my family doesn't care to understand what's going on.
6. I'm not really certain whether or not adderall has been helping me besides my energy levels
7. I get freaked out that, before, I used to not need anything for my energy, but then I moved on to consuming a lot of caffeine very suddenly just in order to be productive at all, and then I moved to adderall, which helps me for most of the time. In the past few months I have been having these problems with acidity in my stomach that never really happened before.
8. I find it harder to eat healthy because all of this shit I'm going through, and no matter what I do, I fuck up quite a bit. And now look, I've gained a significant amount of the weight I lost last year (I was on a healthy, balanced diet, so I know it wasn't because my diet was all wrong).
9. I feel like I can never have a good relationship with my brothers and mom. I don't really care that I don't have a relationship with my dad, but this bothers me. I especially feel upset about my brother Samir.
10. I feel like I never have enough time to do the things I need to do.
11. Me and my mom pay for my drugs out-of-pocket because for some bloody reason, her health insurance isn't willing to cover me.
12. Even the slightest noises irritate the hell out of me. I feel trapped in my own body.
13. I don't like my teeth. I find them to be gross.
14. I feel like people don't care to be around me willingly.
15. There are so many conflicting issues with societal pressures and my desire to be completely myself.
16. A lot of things I need or have to do are constrained by the fact that my family doesn't have much money.
17. I'm at a huge loss at where to begin with regards to treatment and I feel a lot of times that I'm going to suffer for the rest of my life.
18. It feels like joy has been sucked out of everything I do.
19. I feel useless and inefficient
20. I am so scared in general...
21. I feel like my career is suffering and that I may not achieve my goal of becoming a registered dietitian and eating disorder researcher
Well, there's me having my sobfest. In case you're wondering or even gave a shit to read this, I am crying right now. I don't know what to do...
Tags: Hopelessness
Permalink Reply by Susan on Please, you're not hopeless. My response will not be fluid or make sense. . . . especially today. . . . .I'm tired. . . . brain's exhausted and too much sugar in my system. I know sugar makes me like this but not doing a good job of controlling it right now.
No other people won't understand all of this. I've always felt like people didn't understand me either. But other women with ADHD do understand. The overwhelmed part. I'm so overwhelmed today too. . . . my brain is on overdrive. . .. can't get it settled so I can be productive. . .. and that is on my Adderall. . . . I'd hate to see me without it. The attention span and the energy levels. I have been low energy all my life. . . . just didn't really know why until recently. At first the Adderall was so noticeably helpful but I still struggle with waxing and waning energy levels. I have to try to do things ahead of time because I don't know when one of these energy dives will occur . . . .or how long it will last.
Our brains tend to drive toward the negative things and remembering those. It's weird. . . it's hard. I don't think of myself as a negative person really but realize that this is the case. I internalize most of it and don't let it show. I think that we have to learn to find who we really are and accept that and work around it. Your doctor probably is 'in a hurry" because he has a heavy load. Have you been diagnosed or he just doesn't ask a lot. My MD sent me to a psychologist for proper diagnosis and then I havve to see the MD monthly for scripts. it makes me feel "sick" and going to the MD occupies a lot of time for someone who otherwise is healthy. And getting the prescription is time consuming too as I have to go way across town. I've adjusted. Having to pay out of pocket would be hard.
I know it is hard and I'm not doing a great job myself right now but why not for a New Year's resolution write 5 to 10 things you are grateful for each day. Try to focus on that. I know it isn't easy to do all of the time but it will help rewire your thinking. Find a place to volunteer where you will feel useful and needed. . . .an animal shelter. . . .food bank. . . something. It will get your focus off of yourself.
You're in school and that is overwhelming in and of itself. . . . deadlines, tests, papers - ugh! Just remember that it's all in perspective. Take it slow and easy. Take care of yourself. .. . rest, eating right (and what a pain to gain weight eating healthy. . . . I have got to lose weight too). . . get enough sleep. All of those things do help our brains. . . oh, yeah. .. stay hydrated with water.
I never feel there is enough time either and it is hard. I can't do a small number of the things I can think of to do. Our creative minds. .. . create too much for us to do. Remember we are often our own worst critics and others may not be as hard on us as we are. You are special in God's eyes and he made you as you are for a purpose. In fact, others may envy things about you that you don't even know about. Good luck to you.
Permalink Reply by Flora on My doctor did diagnose me with ADHD but because of his hurried behaviour, I'm not sure if I can really trust his judgement anymore. And there are all these issues where I don't know where they're coming from and the help I am getting doesn't seem to be helping much. Really, I try my best to be positive and all that, but it's like my body can't do it, you know? I try to pull myself up, only to have some weird shit happen. :( I just really wish someone could give me some guidance as to where to go from here.
Permalink Reply by Susan on I know it can be difficult. Like I said right now I'm having a hard time myself. I'm not saying it is easy. but we are resilient more so than the next person. It's hard to move forward. . . . or it can be. I know I always have whatever kind of weird thing that can happen or go wrong happen to me. . . without fail. My psychologist once said to me . . . .don't you think other people do stuff like this or have this stuff happen. .. . they do. I try to remind myself of that often.
It sounds like you're overwhelmed right now and maybe depressed. ADHDers often has depression as a diagnosis as well. Would medicine help? I don't know and I'm not diagnosing you. I think going to see a psychologist who treats a lot of ADHD would help but might be too expensive. . . or it might be worth it. You need someone outside of your family to listen and bounce things off of. It does help.
I would suggest sitting down and making priorities for what has to be done and how you will work towards doing it. Don't put down too much. Funny, my psychologist asked me to do that once and I wrote pages and pages. He hasn't asked me that again.
You have to keep going and trying. Take it one day at a time. That's all we can do. .. . anyone. Try to find what makes you happy and make time for it. I'm telling you something I wish I could make happen for me. . . but can't really.
If you are unsure about your MD can you find someone else to see. You have to follow what you think and if you don't think you're getting what you need get another opinion.
Permalink Reply by Susan on I love talking to my psychologist and even though I went there to get diagnosed dragging my feet and complaining and not wanting to go and I was mad at my MD for making me go. . . . I'm so grateful that he made me go to get diagnosed properly. . . . and I needed to go anyhow. . .. It's been 3 1/2 years now, I think. I remember my psych tell me about someone he had been seeing for 8 years. I thought I'd be "done" early. . . .but I realize I doubt I'll ever be done. It's just expensive if insurance doesn't pay. Insurance has to cover mental health (i.e. psychologists) under the same realm as medical doctors so hopefully that part you can get paid for just a co-pay. That is if you have a diagosis it will pay. So, I'll twist that into a positive that having ADHD gets you into the psychologist. I also journal or did until recently when some physical issues have limited that. I will type 10 pages a day of feelings, etc. It helps me get it out. I take it to my psychologist and he reads every last bit of it. And that's good because by the time I go back I've forgotten most of the stuff. I have taken him 75 pages before. I usually drop it off prior to my appointment so he can channel the discussion from my "wide open self". He has even encouraged me to start back writing. . .. . just can't get it back going again. . . it does take a lot of time even though I type quickly.
Take care of yourself. Take a hot bubble bath and just relax. I care about you. It will get better. It will get better.
Permalink Reply by Flora on I'm certain over here in Ontario, hospital psychologists are covered. I think I'll look into that.
Permalink Reply by Tammy on Flora,
It is very frustrating at first, especially when you don't get diagnosed until adulthood. I was around 30 when I was finally diagnosed. I was very angry, at first. My childhood would have been a lot easier had someone noticed. Read anything you can get your hands on, about ADHD, join any support groups in your area, and/or therapy. I do all of the above. It has helped a lot just knowing I'm not alone. It will never go away, I guess, it's just learning to accept the fact that this is who you are. The more you learn about it, there are some things you can work on. Sometimes, I try working on something and it never seems to get better, but I still feel better because I'm trying. I enjoy having others to talk to about all this crap. Any way, I hope this makes you feel at least a little bit better. You're not alone.
Permalink Reply by Jody on Flora---get out of my head lady!! change a few goals and this could be my list. I think you nailed it! Anyway I tried a northern bean soup recipe today and thought of you...It was yummy and you will achieve your goal...I started counting down how many times I would see the leaves come out again. THis spring I am done....I just hope they don't come early because my mind is set that when I see the first bud of spring I am done...As far as all the worry I had a professor tell me once to schedule a time to worry in a chair. I told his that was silly. he said so is worrying. If you can change it change it...if you cant move on...well that is all I got. Thinking good things about you!
Permalink Reply by Jody on I agree I have been so angry this last year...here i at least feel normal all the crap that I thought was just me is suddenly not just me. I am so grateful that I am not the only person who losses her shoes from room to room, counting pills to see if i missed one, drifting off, saying inappropriate things...and so on! thanks ladies!
Tammy said:
Flora,
It is very frustrating at first, especially when you don't get diagnosed until adulthood. I was around 30 when I was finally diagnosed. I was very angry, at first. My childhood would have been a lot easier had someone noticed. Read anything you can get your hands on, about ADHD, join any support groups in your area, and/or therapy. I do all of the above. It has helped a lot just knowing I'm not alone. It will never go away, I guess, it's just learning to accept the fact that this is who you are. The more you learn about it, there are some things you can work on. Sometimes, I try working on something and it never seems to get better, but I still feel better because I'm trying. I enjoy having others to talk to about all this crap. Any way, I hope this makes you feel at least a little bit better. You're not alone.
Permalink Reply by Flora on LOL "It was yummy and you will achieve your goal." I don't know why, but that made me giggle. Thanks, Jody, I really appreciate you giving your time to give some kind words. :)
Permalink Reply by Brandi on EMDR therapy worked wonders for m I think it ws designed just for ADHD people, aftar 2 sessons I felt the work that had been done wouldn't have been done in a yr of regular counseling. i also tell mself that i can only do what i can do and tat it is physically impossible to do it all.
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