For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect
intro
Hi everyone. This is the first time I've ever been involved in a forum discussion. I am 45 years old and was recently dx'd with ADHD-inattentive type. At first I was happy to have a 'reason' for all my difficulties but just recently began to feel quite dispondant about this diagnosis. I was amazed initially that my difficulties were in fact not my fault and that they weren't just happening to me. There are a cluster of issues that I have struggled with most of my life. It was a shock to me that ADHD was my problem because I was an 'A' student in undergraduate school and an 'A' student in graduate school. In high school though, my academic counselor told me I should "consider a trade school because you're not smart enough for college". I learned or developed numerous coping skills and did great in school but it really took a toll on me.
After school, I got a good job but was constantly overwhelmed and angry--about being overwhelmed. I never was able to advance because I spent so much time trying to 'perfect' what I was doing instead of just realizing that my struggles weren't because I couldn't do the job but because I had to use so many coping skills and it took so much more effort than it took others. I became frustrated, angry, disillusioned, disappointed in myself.
I only resigned from my position after having my first child. The transition to new mom and stay-at-home mom was difficult. I wasn't yet diagnosed and found myself having great difficulty with everything. While I believe that all moms have it quite rough, I struggled excessively because my coping skills did not readily translate to my 'new position'. I couldn't understand why I struggled with household tasks etc., while other people had the same responsibilities as me and were quite adept at them. Again, this affected my self esteem a great deal.
I was diagnosed with ADHD after my twins turned three. So I have a 7 year old and two three year olds. I felt like I just wanted to stay in bed all day--although that was impossible with kids. I felt like the world was smothering me. As hard as I tried to get everything done, I just couldn't. I felt like, and still do feel like, a failure. Even knowing why these things happen and why I have difficulties, I still can't help but feel like a failure. I try so hard at everything and just barely get by at most things.
I feel like I'm feeling sorry for myself and I also feel trapped by everything. I don't have a particularly good marriage and no real support from my mother. My spouse thinks the ADHD thing doesn't really exist and gives little or no support to me. It isn't just the ADHD thing that is problomatic between us. I have discussed ADHD in general with a few of my close friends and they definately feel that it is 'a cop out'. Needless to say, I haven't been able to discuss my difficulties related to the ADHD with them.
I have great difficulty with organization, with motivating myself, and with completing tasks. I feel that I am constantly driven to do things and am always doing things and yet I have nothing to show for my efforts. All those things seem like something a lazy, unconcerned person would be like. I am none of those things. It drives me insane to feel one way inside me (wanting to do things, accomplish things, complete things) and yet the person that I am is unable to do it!!!!! It truly is like being trapped. It's like an invisable trap though because so few people understand it.
I have a great deal of guilt about my parenting also. It is the same as everything else, I want to be involved and do things with my kids but it takes such an effort to get them ready to go places that I often can't do it. That sounds so stupid but it is true. I want to paint and do crafts etc, but the house and everything else is always so disorganized that I just can't bring myself to do the fun stuff. In addition to feeling like a personal failure, I now feel like I am a failure as a mother--which is the most painful thing that I have ever felt.
Recently I have been thinking about how difficult my childhood and teenaged years were because of the ADHD and that has only added to my feelings of pain. My mother was never very supportive so I kind of went through it on my own. It has affected my life and my self esteem more that I ever realized and that realization now just blows me away. I wasn't a kid who got in trouble, drank, or did drugs. I just struggled to make it through the day, the week, the school year, high school, etc.
I also kind of turned into a chronic complainer because I felt so overwhelmed all the time. I got overstressed, angry, bitter. I am trying to change this by getting my life organized and structured but--hey--guess what???--that is my problem!!!! I can't do it. I try and try and still I feel like I drowning.
I have been taking Adderall XR for a few months but then my spouse took a new job and the insurance took over three months to start. I bought the meds for a month and took them when I could. I believe they worked initially, but don't seem to be doing the same thing now. It also is kind of disappointing because initially I thought my problems were behind me but the pervasiveness of this disorder can not be "fixed" just with meds.
I'm sorry for going on and on but his is the first place that I feel that I can say what is wrong with me and know that others may understand. I think that just being connected with others in this position may be a relief. Thank you for reading this wordy entry. Any support or advise would be welcomed. Again, thanks for listening.
After school, I got a good job but was constantly overwhelmed and angry--about being overwhelmed. I never was able to advance because I spent so much time trying to 'perfect' what I was doing instead of just realizing that my struggles weren't because I couldn't do the job but because I had to use so many coping skills and it took so much more effort than it took others. I became frustrated, angry, disillusioned, disappointed in myself.
I only resigned from my position after having my first child. The transition to new mom and stay-at-home mom was difficult. I wasn't yet diagnosed and found myself having great difficulty with everything. While I believe that all moms have it quite rough, I struggled excessively because my coping skills did not readily translate to my 'new position'. I couldn't understand why I struggled with household tasks etc., while other people had the same responsibilities as me and were quite adept at them. Again, this affected my self esteem a great deal.
I was diagnosed with ADHD after my twins turned three. So I have a 7 year old and two three year olds. I felt like I just wanted to stay in bed all day--although that was impossible with kids. I felt like the world was smothering me. As hard as I tried to get everything done, I just couldn't. I felt like, and still do feel like, a failure. Even knowing why these things happen and why I have difficulties, I still can't help but feel like a failure. I try so hard at everything and just barely get by at most things.
I feel like I'm feeling sorry for myself and I also feel trapped by everything. I don't have a particularly good marriage and no real support from my mother. My spouse thinks the ADHD thing doesn't really exist and gives little or no support to me. It isn't just the ADHD thing that is problomatic between us. I have discussed ADHD in general with a few of my close friends and they definately feel that it is 'a cop out'. Needless to say, I haven't been able to discuss my difficulties related to the ADHD with them.
I have great difficulty with organization, with motivating myself, and with completing tasks. I feel that I am constantly driven to do things and am always doing things and yet I have nothing to show for my efforts. All those things seem like something a lazy, unconcerned person would be like. I am none of those things. It drives me insane to feel one way inside me (wanting to do things, accomplish things, complete things) and yet the person that I am is unable to do it!!!!! It truly is like being trapped. It's like an invisable trap though because so few people understand it.
I have a great deal of guilt about my parenting also. It is the same as everything else, I want to be involved and do things with my kids but it takes such an effort to get them ready to go places that I often can't do it. That sounds so stupid but it is true. I want to paint and do crafts etc, but the house and everything else is always so disorganized that I just can't bring myself to do the fun stuff. In addition to feeling like a personal failure, I now feel like I am a failure as a mother--which is the most painful thing that I have ever felt.
Recently I have been thinking about how difficult my childhood and teenaged years were because of the ADHD and that has only added to my feelings of pain. My mother was never very supportive so I kind of went through it on my own. It has affected my life and my self esteem more that I ever realized and that realization now just blows me away. I wasn't a kid who got in trouble, drank, or did drugs. I just struggled to make it through the day, the week, the school year, high school, etc.
I also kind of turned into a chronic complainer because I felt so overwhelmed all the time. I got overstressed, angry, bitter. I am trying to change this by getting my life organized and structured but--hey--guess what???--that is my problem!!!! I can't do it. I try and try and still I feel like I drowning.
I have been taking Adderall XR for a few months but then my spouse took a new job and the insurance took over three months to start. I bought the meds for a month and took them when I could. I believe they worked initially, but don't seem to be doing the same thing now. It also is kind of disappointing because initially I thought my problems were behind me but the pervasiveness of this disorder can not be "fixed" just with meds.
I'm sorry for going on and on but his is the first place that I feel that I can say what is wrong with me and know that others may understand. I think that just being connected with others in this position may be a relief. Thank you for reading this wordy entry. Any support or advise would be welcomed. Again, thanks for listening.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cami on -
Dawn E said:My first suggestion would be to take a deep breath, you are not alone though I do not have kids I can understand your fustration with home and medication and disorganization,
I can tell you what I did: I was officially diagnosised in 2000 I went a "special ed kid" in school all the way through high school to an A/B student in college, I graduate with a 3.3 BS in Psychology completed in 3 1/2 years while working a full time job ( my high school counselor told me when I wanted to come back to HS after quiting "it is realistically impossible for you to come back " though she said those words in 1986 it still upsets me, ADD/ADHD are not "special ed" we are special and actually very intelligent.
I had to go to Duke CHild and Family center because there was no were to go in WV, I was fustrated anger and "spinning my wheels at work and home", I got re-tested on no meds (I had to be free from meds for 4 days, that was interesting), I found out that I was on to much Ritilan and that I need Welbutrin to stablize everything along with Ritilan. it took a good 6-8 months but then I finally had a clear head....
When it comes to to structure and organizing this is not abnormal for us, I started writing in a journal at first it was enters to myself, "hello self and how are we today and I would respond back, then I added writing to my "higher power" I have been sober 18 years and my mom as been sober 13 years so Al-Anon and AA is in my blood. ( her drinking while carrying me ( I am the youngest of 4) gave me fetal alchol effect ( not syndrome) this is a cause of ADD though rarely diagnosis, my "father" was the cause of her drinking and I have never blamed her and she will never hear it from me that her drinking caused my ADD.
Step back and breath, my family (sibling know that I have ADD but have never asked about it my mom as asked about it and actually apologized for yelling at me when I was a child because she just thought I was just load to be rude and disrespectful, but when I was 38 years old she "apologized about it" and this is cute, "one day I was visiting her and she said "please don't get upset but have you taken your medication because you are getting loud" I laughed and said yes mom give it another 15 minutes, and she did then said you have down to science don't you" 15 minutes and you are calm and not loud" we both laughed because it was a big step for her,
Organizing I made this suggestion to another lady in this group, the show Clean House and the show Clean Sweep have been a great help to me along with the DIY web page that and my 6 months rule (except for seasonal items) if it as not been used it either gets donated or tossed with seasonal decorations and clothing I go through it each year and decide if I have used it or worn it does it fit and then again donate (clothes always) or toss ( co worker that my husband work with just got a new house with his wife and 2 kids I gave them alot of my XMAS decoration I had not used and some were brand new it would make the kids holiday to have their house decorated.
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Permalink Reply by Cami on
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This is driving me nuts... i'm trying to reply but dammit... things keep getting all mixed up... I'm not sure if what was written just got lost... posted? Oh what the heck.. what does it matter anyway k.. i'll try reading a bit
Cami said:Dawn E said:My first suggestion would be to take a deep breath, you are not alone though I do not have kids I can understand your fustration with home and medication and disorganization,
I can tell you what I did: I was officially diagnosised in 2000 I went a "special ed kid" in school all the way through high school to an A/B student in college, I graduate with a 3.3 BS in Psychology completed in 3 1/2 years while working a full time job ( my high school counselor told me when I wanted to come back to HS after quiting "it is realistically impossible for you to come back " though she said those words in 1986 it still upsets me, ADD/ADHD are not "special ed" we are special and actually very intelligent.
I had to go to Duke CHild and Family center because there was no were to go in WV, I was fustrated anger and "spinning my wheels at work and home", I got re-tested on no meds (I had to be free from meds for 4 days, that was interesting), I found out that I was on to much Ritilan and that I need Welbutrin to stablize everything along with Ritilan. it took a good 6-8 months but then I finally had a clear head....
When it comes to to structure and organizing this is not abnormal for us, I started writing in a journal at first it was enters to myself, "hello self and how are we today and I would respond back, then I added writing to my "higher power" I have been sober 18 years and my mom as been sober 13 years so Al-Anon and AA is in my blood. ( her drinking while carrying me ( I am the youngest of 4) gave me fetal alchol effect ( not syndrome) this is a cause of ADD though rarely diagnosis, my "father" was the cause of her drinking and I have never blamed her and she will never hear it from me that her drinking caused my ADD.
Step back and breath, my family (sibling know that I have ADD but have never asked about it my mom as asked about it and actually apologized for yelling at me when I was a child because she just thought I was just load to be rude and disrespectful, but when I was 38 years old she "apologized about it" and this is cute, "one day I was visiting her and she said "please don't get upset but have you taken your medication because you are getting loud" I laughed and said yes mom give it another 15 minutes, and she did then said you have down to science don't you" 15 minutes and you are calm and not loud" we both laughed because it was a big step for her,
Organizing I made this suggestion to another lady in this group, the show Clean House and the show Clean Sweep have been a great help to me along with the DIY web page that and my 6 months rule (except for seasonal items) if it as not been used it either gets donated or tossed with seasonal decorations and clothing I go through it each year and decide if I have used it or worn it does it fit and then again donate (clothes always) or toss ( co worker that my husband work with just got a new house with his wife and 2 kids I gave them alot of my XMAS decoration I had not used and some were brand new it would make the kids holiday to have their house decorated.
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Permalink Reply by Cami on
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wow... hard to read these longer posts... i'll keep trying
Cami said:This is driving me nuts... i'm trying to reply but dammit... things keep getting all mixed up... I'm not sure if what was written just got lost... posted? Oh what the heck.. what does it matter anyway k.. i'll try reading a bit
Cami said:Dawn E said:My first suggestion would be to take a deep breath, you are not alone though I do not have kids I can understand your fustration with home and medication and disorganization,
I can tell you what I did: I was officially diagnosised in 2000 I went a "special ed kid" in school all the way through high school to an A/B student in college, I graduate with a 3.3 BS in Psychology completed in 3 1/2 years while working a full time job ( my high school counselor told me when I wanted to come back to HS after quiting "it is realistically impossible for you to come back " though she said those words in 1986 it still upsets me, ADD/ADHD are not "special ed" we are special and actually very intelligent.
I had to go to Duke CHild and Family center because there was no were to go in WV, I was fustrated anger and "spinning my wheels at work and home", I got re-tested on no meds (I had to be free from meds for 4 days, that was interesting), I found out that I was on to much Ritilan and that I need Welbutrin to stablize everything along with Ritilan. it took a good 6-8 months but then I finally had a clear head....
When it comes to to structure and organizing this is not abnormal for us, I started writing in a journal at first it was enters to myself, "hello self and how are we today and I would respond back, then I added writing to my "higher power" I have been sober 18 years and my mom as been sober 13 years so Al-Anon and AA is in my blood. ( her drinking while carrying me ( I am the youngest of 4) gave me fetal alchol effect ( not syndrome) this is a cause of ADD though rarely diagnosis, my "father" was the cause of her drinking and I have never blamed her and she will never hear it from me that her drinking caused my ADD.
Step back and breath, my family (sibling know that I have ADD but have never asked about it my mom as asked about it and actually apologized for yelling at me when I was a child because she just thought I was just load to be rude and disrespectful, but when I was 38 years old she "apologized about it" and this is cute, "one day I was visiting her and she said "please don't get upset but have you taken your medication because you are getting loud" I laughed and said yes mom give it another 15 minutes, and she did then said you have down to science don't you" 15 minutes and you are calm and not loud" we both laughed because it was a big step for her,
Organizing I made this suggestion to another lady in this group, the show Clean House and the show Clean Sweep have been a great help to me along with the DIY web page that and my 6 months rule (except for seasonal items) if it as not been used it either gets donated or tossed with seasonal decorations and clothing I go through it each year and decide if I have used it or worn it does it fit and then again donate (clothes always) or toss ( co worker that my husband work with just got a new house with his wife and 2 kids I gave them alot of my XMAS decoration I had not used and some were brand new it would make the kids holiday to have their house decorated.
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Permalink Reply by jean on -
Ron...there are so many things that I want to comment on from all the posters, we all sound like we are out of the same mold. But this one comment you mentioned ron, is that you are obsessed with getting your life and your house in order. that is me so much that all I can talk about is that. In the middle of every sentence I go back to that. I think my husband is getting tired of hearing that and my kids. but its some of their fault too that im so unorganized. I was a do'er and did for them and now I cant any longer I need help. Im so unorganized!!
They are supportative with the add, even though my husband tries to brush it off with me being add. Maybe he doesnt want to admit it., maybe he doesnt want me to admit it. he has extremely harsh dominating parents..and something like that would never be able to be discussed in their house. so maybe thats where its comming from, but he is the best husband anyway. he does try tto help but its not enough, Im so behind.
but the part also about not being able to do anything fun anymore hit me too. I dont enjoy much. I fakr it always so everyone around me thinks Im having fun. faking is hard anymore. I enjoy anything with my kids. I do. but in some way Im only enjoying being with them, not the actual thing that we;re doing, make sense?? I love my kids and do everything I can for them, I have always done everything with them and have gotten so much out of that. but now, ? where is the fun? but I do enjoy them.
I also feel like if they were little kids I wouldnt be able to just play with them all day, it would drive me up the wall. havoing to be able to entertain them, and having close contact like discussing theings and teaching them things would drive me up a wall because I cant concentrate on anything lately. that makes me just cry to think about it. If I was having to sit for an hour and teach the alphabet or math problems and converse back and forth in a deep conversation......what how would I do it.
My add has never been this bad, but in the last couple months it is worse that I thought it would be.
I was doing research and dont quyote me on this one, but I think its the low serotonin levels that are doing this.
your brain runs on neurotransmitters and they all have to be in a balance. theres many of them. they all control different things about your mind, fear, domination, guilt, reason, memory, if any of them are less or more than you need you end up with odd behaviors or thinking. theres serotonin, dopamine, gaba, norephinephrine, and a few more basics. I will try to get the site that you can read about the levels and what they cause when un balanced. Any way with just the few things that you are mentioning It sounds like as bad as mine is. At least to read why my mind iis this way lets me know that it isnt me....not really. maybe it can give you some insight on what to ask your doctor for.
Jean
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Permalink Reply by Robbcann on -
ron said:Hi Canie,
I was wondering if you were prescribed any meds? If so, so you feel any different?? The nurse practitioner that I see has just raised my Adderall to 30 mg. every day because it wasn't helping the same way it did when I first started taking it. I haven't started the new dose because my kids all have colds and I'm up alot at night with them. Then we sleep in alittle later and I don't like to take the medication late in the morning because sometimes it keeps me up too late at night if I do that. I'm looking foward to starting to take it regularly again because it was such a big help initially. Hopefully some medication will help you with your symptoms. I'll check back to see if you've responded. Take care
Robbcann said:Hi. I'm brand new to this site as well. I just received a formal diagnosis on Monday... same as you: ADHD Predominantly Inattentive type. I think I know what you're saying about missing the joy of life. Lately I've been so focused on my failures to finish the multitude of projects I began, that it's just become kinda' depressing. I feel overwhelmed by what needs to be done, so i just freeze. Nothing gets done. Just a lot of thinking about the projects, but no doing.
I haven't begun any medication yet; I still have to talk to the psychiatrist on staff at the adhd center about that. I'm anxious to try something-- I'm anxious to see a difference, and feel a difference.
Good luck with your progress, and God bless us everyone! (tiny tim!)
Cannie
Hi, ron! Sorry I'm just now replying. Obviously, I'm not "cured" by my medication, ha ha!
Yes, I started Vyvanse one month ago. It has made such a difference! Better conversational skills (tho' I need to WORK more on this, now that the lights are on in the frontal lobe and WORKING on it might actually help now), more energy, less daunted by tasks, more alert at work, more sociable, more follow-through (such as returning phone calls, which I've always HATED doing). These are the improvements I've seen just from taking the Vyvanse, but there are also improvements that have been made POSSIBLE by the Vyvanse-- do you see the difference?
I really, really hope that I don't build up any kind of tolerance to my Vyvanse. I need it to keep helping so badly... especially with the alertness at work. The dosage has already been increased from 50 mg to 70 mg.
Have you started back on the Adderall?
God bless you!
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Permalink Reply by ron on
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Hi Cannie.
Glad to hear that the meds are helping! It can be such a relief to be able to complete the tasks that you want to complete! I haven't been on th site because I have been a very busy gal! Yes, I did start on the 30mg. of (generic) Adderrall. I can't believe how much better life is right now. I feel great!!! Just as you said regarding yourself, I don't feel daunted by tasks. I had million things that I wanted to get done, but like most of the folks with ADD, I can't get started most of the time or I can't stop myself from starting 90 things at once and being unable to maintain focus long enough to complete much of anything. Since I started on the 30mg., I have been super focused, totally able to see the "big" picture, able to start every project that I have been wanting to start AND finishing all of the projects that I start!! I have done alot of big things in the house. Not just cleaning stuff, but I built and hung a cabinet in my son's room. I have organized all of his school work for the year!!, organized the living room and all the kids toys ( which is a big job because I have three very indulged little boys), finally organized and set up payments for all of the medical bill we owe for the boys (we were without insurance for a few months and the boys were sick almost the entire time!), and many other big, boring, hard to start projects. Even though all this is good--no great, I worry about NOT feeling like this for long. I'm sure that everyone with this disorder knows how hard the struggle that everyday life presents to us. I hate that feeling and dread feeling like that again. I so want to be the person of action that my heart wants me to be instead of the overwhelmed, underproductive person that I usually am. I so hate the constant sense of struggle. I want to be like I am now. I have noticed that I am totally nonsocial since I started the med though. I just don't feel like disrupting my progress on getting my life ordered and organized by chatting on the phone or going out. Although I don't feel "joyful", I do feel satisfied and organized and in control. Considering how I have been feeling most of my life, this is pretty darn good!! I also like that I am not exhausted all day, everyday. I not only can focus, but I have the energy to follow through on things. My hope is to get as much as I can done while I feel like this. I'm not just running around all crazy doing things. I actually have projects in mind to do and I just do them. My goal is to get pretty much of the stuff out of the way by April so that I can enjoy spring and summer with my kids. Though I'm not a "holy roller" I'll say a prayer that your meds keep working and would ask that you do the same for me. Let me know how things are going. Ronnie
Robbcann said:ron said:Hi Canie,
I was wondering if you were prescribed any meds? If so, so you feel any different?? The nurse practitioner that I see has just raised my Adderall to 30 mg. every day because it wasn't helping the same way it did when I first started taking it. I haven't started the new dose because my kids all have colds and I'm up alot at night with them. Then we sleep in alittle later and I don't like to take the medication late in the morning because sometimes it keeps me up too late at night if I do that. I'm looking foward to starting to take it regularly again because it was such a big help initially. Hopefully some medication will help you with your symptoms. I'll check back to see if you've responded. Take care
Robbcann said:Hi. I'm brand new to this site as well. I just received a formal diagnosis on Monday... same as you: ADHD Predominantly Inattentive type. I think I know what you're saying about missing the joy of life. Lately I've been so focused on my failures to finish the multitude of projects I began, that it's just become kinda' depressing. I feel overwhelmed by what needs to be done, so i just freeze. Nothing gets done. Just a lot of thinking about the projects, but no doing.
I haven't begun any medication yet; I still have to talk to the psychiatrist on staff at the adhd center about that. I'm anxious to try something-- I'm anxious to see a difference, and feel a difference.
Good luck with your progress, and God bless us everyone! (tiny tim!)
Cannie
Hi, ron! Sorry I'm just now replying. Obviously, I'm not "cured" by my medication, ha ha!
Yes, I started Vyvanse one month ago. It has made such a difference! Better conversational skills (tho' I need to WORK more on this, now that the lights are on in the frontal lobe and WORKING on it might actually help now), more energy, less daunted by tasks, more alert at work, more sociable, more follow-through (such as returning phone calls, which I've always HATED doing). These are the improvements I've seen just from taking the Vyvanse, but there are also improvements that have been made POSSIBLE by the Vyvanse-- do you see the difference?
I really, really hope that I don't build up any kind of tolerance to my Vyvanse. I need it to keep helping so badly... especially with the alertness at work. The dosage has already been increased from 50 mg to 70 mg.
Have you started back on the Adderall?
God bless you!
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Permalink Reply by ron on
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Hi Jean. How are you doing? Hope things are better for you. I have been doing well since I started on the increased dose of Adderall (30 mg). I had another post where I elaborated on my progress toward getting "stuff" done. The meds have helped me sooo much. I have made such great progress toward getting my life and house in order. I can't remember if you said that you take any type of medication. If not, you should check into it. It has really helped with all of the things that folks with ADD struggle with. I am organized, can start and complete projects, feel motivated, have energy. God if only I could be this way without medication or could have been this way--even with medication--a long time ago. Sooo much time wasted struggling with everything. One big thing the meds haven't helped is that "joyless" feeling. I do feel satisfied with what I am able to do, but not much different in terms of truly enjoying things. I want to remember what really laughing feels like and what a "light-hearted" feeling feels like. I always feel kind of numb, serious, and slightly more agitated than I have reason to be. I hope that this lack of happy emotions will lessen as I take the meds more AND get more of my life/living area in order. I know what you mean about "faking" having a good time. I also do that. When I take the kids somewhere and they are laughing and having a good time, I'm totally "happy" to see them having fun but truly don't "feel" like I'm having fun. I do feel good about being with my kids BUT I don't much enjoy the activities that we do. As I have said in past posts, I can't really even remember what fun feels like or couldn't even say what things might make me feel happy. I also wondered how old you were? I'm wondering about that because I have read in some posts on this site that menopause and/or the time around your period can cause fluctuations in hormones and brain chemicals. I absolutely positively notice a difference around that time of the month. I can tell right before I get my period and when I'm ovulating because I am more scattered, overwhelmed, frustrated, and bitchy. It is sooo much worse then and improves to its usual level when that time passes. I used a calander to keep track for over two years and it is like clock-work. Anyway, let me know if you are taking meds or check into it if you don't. It certain has helped me. Also, if you have the info on the web site regarding the levels of neurotransmitters that you mentioned in a previous post, I'd like to have it. I hope things are well with you and will check back soon. Ronnie
jean said:Ron...there are so many things that I want to comment on from all the posters, we all sound like we are out of the same mold. But this one comment you mentioned ron, is that you are obsessed with getting your life and your house in order. that is me so much that all I can talk about is that. In the middle of every sentence I go back to that. I think my husband is getting tired of hearing that and my kids. but its some of their fault too that im so unorganized. I was a do'er and did for them and now I cant any longer I need help. Im so unorganized!!
They are supportative with the add, even though my husband tries to brush it off with me being add. Maybe he doesnt want to admit it., maybe he doesnt want me to admit it. he has extremely harsh dominating parents..and something like that would never be able to be discussed in their house. so maybe thats where its comming from, but he is the best husband anyway. he does try tto help but its not enough, Im so behind.
but the part also about not being able to do anything fun anymore hit me too. I dont enjoy much. I fakr it always so everyone around me thinks Im having fun. faking is hard anymore. I enjoy anything with my kids. I do. but in some way Im only enjoying being with them, not the actual thing that we;re doing, make sense?? I love my kids and do everything I can for them, I have always done everything with them and have gotten so much out of that. but now, ? where is the fun? but I do enjoy them.
I also feel like if they were little kids I wouldnt be able to just play with them all day, it would drive me up the wall. havoing to be able to entertain them, and having close contact like discussing theings and teaching them things would drive me up a wall because I cant concentrate on anything lately. that makes me just cry to think about it. If I was having to sit for an hour and teach the alphabet or math problems and converse back and forth in a deep conversation......what how would I do it.
My add has never been this bad, but in the last couple months it is worse that I thought it would be.
I was doing research and dont quyote me on this one, but I think its the low serotonin levels that are doing this.
your brain runs on neurotransmitters and they all have to be in a balance. theres many of them. they all control different things about your mind, fear, domination, guilt, reason, memory, if any of them are less or more than you need you end up with odd behaviors or thinking. theres serotonin, dopamine, gaba, norephinephrine, and a few more basics. I will try to get the site that you can read about the levels and what they cause when un balanced. Any way with just the few things that you are mentioning It sounds like as bad as mine is. At least to read why my mind iis this way lets me know that it isnt me....not really. maybe it can give you some insight on what to ask your doctor for.
Jean
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Hi. I've written alot today so I'll make this short. I wanted to let you know that I have incorporated the 6 month rule into my organization strategy. I have been having great success with the increase in meds. It has allowed me to get so much stuff done. I think the 6 month rule is a good one. I also have too much seasonal stuff--like 4 or 5 times the stuff that I really need. I plan to tackle that next week. I'm going to use the 6 month rule to go through my summer clothing. I'm sure that I have clothing that I haven't worn for many seasons stored away. I can't wait to tackle that chore!! I hope that I can maintain this ability to initiate and finish tasks. Take care, Ronnie
Cami said:Dawn E said:My first suggestion would be to take a deep breath, you are not alone though I do not have kids I can understand your fustration with home and medication and disorganization,
I can tell you what I did: I was officially diagnosised in 2000 I went a "special ed kid" in school all the way through high school to an A/B student in college, I graduate with a 3.3 BS in Psychology completed in 3 1/2 years while working a full time job ( my high school counselor told me when I wanted to come back to HS after quiting "it is realistically impossible for you to come back " though she said those words in 1986 it still upsets me, ADD/ADHD are not "special ed" we are special and actually very intelligent.
I had to go to Duke CHild and Family center because there was no were to go in WV, I was fustrated anger and "spinning my wheels at work and home", I got re-tested on no meds (I had to be free from meds for 4 days, that was interesting), I found out that I was on to much Ritilan and that I need Welbutrin to stablize everything along with Ritilan. it took a good 6-8 months but then I finally had a clear head....
When it comes to to structure and organizing this is not abnormal for us, I started writing in a journal at first it was enters to myself, "hello self and how are we today and I would respond back, then I added writing to my "higher power" I have been sober 18 years and my mom as been sober 13 years so Al-Anon and AA is in my blood. ( her drinking while carrying me ( I am the youngest of 4) gave me fetal alchol effect ( not syndrome) this is a cause of ADD though rarely diagnosis, my "father" was the cause of her drinking and I have never blamed her and she will never hear it from me that her drinking caused my ADD.
Step back and breath, my family (sibling know that I have ADD but have never asked about it my mom as asked about it and actually apologized for yelling at me when I was a child because she just thought I was just load to be rude and disrespectful, but when I was 38 years old she "apologized about it" and this is cute, "one day I was visiting her and she said "please don't get upset but have you taken your medication because you are getting loud" I laughed and said yes mom give it another 15 minutes, and she did then said you have down to science don't you" 15 minutes and you are calm and not loud" we both laughed because it was a big step for her,
Organizing I made this suggestion to another lady in this group, the show Clean House and the show Clean Sweep have been a great help to me along with the DIY web page that and my 6 months rule (except for seasonal items) if it as not been used it either gets donated or tossed with seasonal decorations and clothing I go through it each year and decide if I have used it or worn it does it fit and then again donate (clothes always) or toss ( co worker that my husband work with just got a new house with his wife and 2 kids I gave them alot of my XMAS decoration I had not used and some were brand new it would make the kids holiday to have their house decorated.
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