I'm posting today because all of my medical issues have led me to, in the past week or so, becoming what I'd like to call "hopelessly depressed." What does it mean when I say I've become hopelessly depressed, you ask? Well, it's like this... You have a "rough patch," so to speak, and it leads you to becoming depressed. But every time it gets bad, you can calm yourself down at least a little bit by listing off the reasons why you're "just being paranoid," why something simply is not true, etc. However, I no longer even have that luxury. And I tried, really tried, very hard. And yet, I have nothing to really just say "it's just me being crazy" anymore. I simply no longer have that luxury. Now, any time my boyfriend tells me "everything is going to be fine," I can't even really honestly agree with him.
Doctors say I simply "worry too much." I'm not sure they understand. When you're unable to do the things that made you feel like you had some value as a human being and it's heavily concerning you, are you doing just that - worrying too much? The problem is, at this rate, I don't even know how to appropriately react to the situation. I haven't gone through anything this bad for as long as I can remember. And the thing that makes it all worse is, my "progress" is far too slow for me to be able to handle things. I feel like I'm losing everything I've ever valued. I feel like I'm losing my mind, my heart, my everything.
I'm not sure why I posted this. I guess I'm hoping someone out there knows something that might be useful. Hmm...
I'm not sure how/what to respond. Do you take medication for your depression? It sounds like you may need to. I'm not a psychologist but just based on me being ADHD and my emotions are very strong for everything and so something "bad" stays with me. It doesn't shake off like "normal" people may be able to. I always knew my emotions were more strong than others but always told "you shouldn't feel that way" so I just didn't tell people what I felt knowing that I was "intense". I don't know that I really ever had true depression but many people with ADHD have both. You are definitely not crazy. We just have automatic negative thoughts or ANTS and it is hard for us to feel good about ourselves.
I don't think you "simply worry too much". I didn't realize I was even anxious until I first took medication and it slowed down my mind and I realized I was much calmer. Our minds can think of too many possibilities and a million things and we can't let go of the thoughts or the ideas or coming up with new ones. Our mind is hyper if our body isn't. So, I would say you are right. . .. the doctor doesn't get it. Your progress may be too slow for you and the positive is you used the word "progress". WE do need rewards and gratification s it is hard for us to wait to see results . . . hard for everyone. . . . harder for us.
I see positives in that you feel "progress". If you feel like you can't get up out of the bed or can't do the things you once did, I would call the doctor back and speak about antidepressants. The other positive is it sounds like you have a loving, supportive boyfriend. That is 2 things some people can't say.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.
I can't speak as an expert either, clearly. But I DO know that the last time I went off an antidepressant, I felt like I had to re-learn how to manage my emotions. It was wild. Something would happen and I'd fly off the handle for no reason--like I didn't know what to do with it. It took time to adjust, for sure. I didn't realize I was dealing with so much anxiety until I began being treated for ADHD. Personally? If you're being affected as heavily as you expressed and your doctor isn't taking you seriously, find a new doctor. What you're explaining isn't common, every day doubts and concerns. It's beyond that, and you deserve to have someone on your side helping you with it.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. I also applaud you for taking any step to find some help. I just stumbled across this site too. I am trying to sort out some of my own stuff, and I am more and more convinced that ADD is (and has always been) a significant part of my own history with depression. Messing with meds can be a real trip too! And especially if you add alcohol to the equation. I so get that. It is hard to think your way through a med/chemical change when you feel strangely 'on edge' or existing 'beyond yourself'.
I really know nothing about you but that you seem to be in a negative spiral, but I am wondering about your age. I am almost 48, and I am just beginning to uncover the significant connections between depression, anxiety, ADD, and (peri) menopause in my world. If this seems to be even remotely informative, I would suggest you get an official diagnosis, a "hip and groovin" woman medical provider, and a life coach of some sort. In the meantime, journal every day and look for ways to bless the people around you (one a day?)...in the process, you may find yourself blessed indeed. My prayer is that this may have blessed you.
The weird outbursts of getting extremely depressed and sobbing myself to death at night have stopped completely. :) Now, let's hope my energy and motivation come back. And let's hope this weird bs with my stomach ends soon. I hate it!
Flora, I kind of LOL'd at your comment above--my family doc is pretty young (like 36, about the same age as me) and I feel the same sometimes. Really nice and supportive and willing to help, like he hasn't been jaded yet. :D Of course sometimes I wonder if he knows what he's doing... He IS a hottie, though, so that helps. :D
What I'm really writing about is your last post--SO happy to hear that things are getting at least a bit better. Hopefully by your next post, things will be even better. :)
Thanks guys :)
LOL @ the hottie thing... I guess it does help? I think my psychiatrist is a good-looking fellow, but I'm not sure I would say "hottie." :P
LOL--sorry I missed you a few minutes ago. :) It helps me forgive him when he does things that make me roll my eyes. The first time he walked in to do my annual exam (the first time I'd ever met him or seen him at all), I was like, uh, hello, you're beautiful, and now you're going to poke around my vag. Awesome. My psychiatrist is good-looking too, but kind of in that same way--not a hottie. Which is good. Whew. Hehehe. :D
HAHAHA you're too much
LOL Sometimes I worry about that on boards like this. :D Love when I find people who get it... or me... or something. :D