Women With ADHD ADD

For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect

My job requires that I take recorded statements from people and I absolutely HATE doing it. I don't mind anything else but I hate doing statements. I put it off , sometimes I don't do them, but mostly I have this dread every single day about doing them. I don't want to call and get the person on the phone, I don't like them , I don't want to talk to them. I hate it, and its part of my job and I can't just not do it. I feel almost rebellious and stubborn like a child. I don't want to do it so I shouldn't have to. Its ridiculous. Once I get it done its no big deal its just making myself do it. Even on meds I don't want to do it. Its easier but I still don't want to . Any advice on how I should change my attitude or get it done easier. Or even a different way I can look at it?

Views: 211

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Yeah, I know what you mean.  I also have things both work and not work related that I feel the same way about it.  Sometimes mine involve making calls or writing notes.  I love to send thank you notes and always do but I really hate written stuff.  The organization is an issue and knowing and deciding the right thing to say.  The handwriting has to be o.k. too and that takes concentration.  I can have a nice handwriting but I can have a really bad, sloppy one if I'm not taking my time.  I hate to make calls about things a lot of time too.  I don't know if I'm afraid of what the interaction might hold and that is stressful. . . . sometimes it is. . . if it is something the other party might not like or just I think that sometimes social interaction is hard for me.  It always has been.  I used to think I had social anxiety or something sometimes.  I had to push myself. . . . really push myself to do things.  No one knew it because I didn't talk about it and I had to get places early so I could make sure I would feel comfortable in the situation. . . . . like where I might sit at a meeting or church and who would sit near me and would I feel comfortable.  There has just always been this feeling of "do I fit in . . . or something isn't quite right. . . . the feeling of differentness, yet I don't think anyone would know that or say that.  I think part of the shyness comes from that and from having so many things in your head and trying to concentrate on conversation with another person and not wanting to blurt in or do it wrong so it is easier just to be quiet.  Plus if you get your words tangled up or don't know what to say because you've thought about so many things. 

Being put on the spot or asked a quesiton in front of people . . . . major anxiety.  I could recite a book about something but if you aske dme to. . . . forget it. . . I'm blank.  I wish that weren't true.


O.k. kind of back to your thought/question. . . .


I have to play games with myself to get things done.  It depends on what it is.  Sometimes I have to do the easy stuff first so that I feel like I have accomplished something and cross it off my list to get me going.  Other times I try to do the hardest stuff first and then I don't have it sitting there.  I don't always do a good job with getting it done.  I'm the type of person that i know I will do what I have to for work or if I make a commitment so I really try not to overcommit, but this leads to not doing things sometimes so that is sad.


I suspect your day might be better if you did it first thing and got it out of the way.  Is there a way to reward yourself afterwards?  Can you challenge yourself that you will get it done in x amount of time whether you do it first thing or maybe before lunch and then you will want to get done to go eat?  And then I guess reminding yourself that most likely all people who have work have things they don't like to do but have to do them anyway.  And these days reminding yourself you are thankful for a job helps because some people don't have jobs.

Do the people on the other end of the phone get mad or have an attitude when you call?  Maybe that is part of it?  If they do and have a bad attitude just remind yourself it isn't you, but maybe what you're calling about.  Yeah, you need to figure out exactly what it is that you don't like about it and maybe that will help you figure it out.


One last suggestion is there a way you could trade this part of your job with another employee for part of your job you enjoy.

It is very confrontational. And I think if I was more certain about what I could say and knew more about my reasoning, I wouldn't mind it as much. The thing is that I haven't  been taught all the exact reasons, laws or cases on which I can base my denial of a claim, so I'm uncomfotable accepting or denying them. I know some of them for certain but not every situation. I suppose I should talk with my supervisor about it so I can be more confident in my decissions. 

I wish I could trade it with someone else but I can't.

Also, these people get very very upset and I can actually understand why they do, but I don't know how to constructively argue my point with them, I just try to be nice but not to nice and then give them a number to call if they don't agree with my decission.

I shouldn't say this out loud, but I can't help it.

Sometimes when they are real A-holes, I actually enjoy denying their claims. Isn't that awful?

It really is, but there are so few we get to deny because of weird laws. I really don't understand how we make any money.

Anyway, thank you so much for helping me. I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration. you are very insightful.


So it is sort of to do with decision making which is hard for me no matter what it is and I am typically a person who tries to be fair (don't know if that is ADHD or me) but also is very empathetic (and I think that is due to partially me and a lot ADHD).  And it is hard working with difficult people. 


Oh, I think the part about it feeling good to deny their claims is nothing but just pure human honestness and there is nothing wrong in admitting that and really if someone didn't admit that at least to themselves then they wouldn't try to be fair.  I suspect many people try to get something for nothing and aren't nice doing it either.

I think stating that you hear they don't like it and you're sorry and the number to appeal.  You don't know what they are going to say exactly but maybe if you write down some "canned lines" and stick to those.  for me the less engaged I got in the conversation probably the easier that  would be.  I'm too emotional probably but give me that person who is going to be a pain in the butt and I can get me some attitude too but I can keep it so I wouldn't get fired.  Just state facts and if you can redirect their anger and blame it son. . . ."I'm sorry but the company policy is set. . . . It sounds like you can't actually do that but maybe you could say "In this situation it is customary for us to deny the claim."  Acknowledge they don't like it and give them the number.  Make it short as possible and get it out of the way. 


Your supervisor should be able to give you more direction on what you can and can't do.  it seems like they would have a guide to assist in the different situations. 


Good luck.


it's a lot easier to give advice to others than to always do or follow my own advice

Need a pep talk, I HAVE to call this lady in 40 minutes and I don't want to do it. I'm dreading every minute it gets closer, its like a freaking phobia. Its insane to act this way.

Okay, that one wasn't that bad, but I still don't want to do them. 

Jennalyn - If these people are pains in the neck, just remember you are their connection to help.  And if you're having to make a decision to deny them on something, try to think about what you would do if you were frustrated with trying to get an answer from someone.  People can tell when someone dreads talking with them by the way the communicate or dont' communicate.  I guess I'm playing the devil'a advocate but remember, you going to treat them nice for your benefit.  No one knows how much the person on the other end of the phone has had to carry that day, and we women have a tendency to shoot the messenger.  When I get angry (just like I did a few minutes ago), I have to remember that I'm not responsible for their actions but I am responsible for mine.  Besides, all that anger and proscrasination might have a deeper meaning.  I know as an ADHDer I don't like feeling trapped or made to do something and the rebellious child in me, fights it wholeheartedly.  Play a game like was mentioned earlier.  Remember, they can't get your power if you don't let them.  Treat the phone call like a dirty diaper.  It smelly, it's dirty but a nasty job but it's up to you per your job responsibilities to pick up the diaper, dump it, rinse it out, and put it in the dryer.  After that is done, everything will smell fresh, clean, and you will enjoy knowing you did you job.  (Forgive the analogy but for some ADHD reason, I thought this fit.  Take care.

I like that analogy, I'll try to remember that one.  In reality I am probably to nice, I should really deny more claims but I struggle with decisions and sometimes its easier to just accept them than it is to investigate them more. Thanks for responding. I really appreciate knowing someone is listening and also seeing a different perspective.

Jennalyn - I just read my comment to you and I had to laugh.  Check the part out about the dirty diaper.  I forgot to tell you to wash it, lol, I said just dump it, rinse it out, and put it into the dryer.

Jennalyn - I like your attitude!  It sounds like you do a thorough job and try to make the best decision possible.  Most of us, when we feel pushed, instantly want to push back (me included) but you kept your cool and that says a lot about who you are.  Take care.


I like that analogy, I'll try to remember that one.  In reality I am probably to nice, I should really deny more claims but I struggle with decisions and sometimes its easier to just accept them than it is to investigate them more. Thanks for responding. I really appreciate knowing someone is listening and also seeing a different perspective.

I hate MONDAYS! I don't want to talk to anybody or do anything! I have all this anxiety and I just want to leave. I don't feel like working at all. I don't know how I'm going to get the kids to an 8:00 am dentist appt. in the morning. UGH!!! Its just one of those days I don't know what to do. I just can't focus on anything except playing Mahjongg Dimensions. And that is killing my arms and I'm probably going to get in trouble for doing that at work. I'm obsessed with it.

Jennalyn - I understand.  Some days are really hard.  I have been where you are, hating my job, hating Mondays because on the weekends my time was mine and my family's but on Monday, I had to go to a job that I was not happy at but that kept my family fed.  We have to have jobs that are fulfilling and that keeps our interest.  I used to write short stories and poetry at work when I had nothing to do because I had to be doing something and I needed to be moving or thinking or worse, talking with others.  I don't know you and I may be off base, but I just wanted to say I understand and I'm glad you're using this discussion to vent, because you are among friends.  Take care.

This isn't going to help Jennalyn but if you like Mahjongg Dimensions try Mahjongg Dark Dimensions.  It is even more addicting.

Yes some work days are really hard.  Every day I'm able to come up with a long, long list of things to do besides going to work.  And Sundays are hard too.  I hate to stop to go to church.  I love going to church but I'm late because I don't want to stop doing things at home. 

Reply to Discussion


Great Resources for Women with ADHD

© 2014   Created by Terry Matlen, ACSW.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service