What other people say about you?

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Forman on August 26, 2009 at 1:19am

You don't listen
You don't care
Just let go
Relax!
You are too hard, where is your soft side
You have anger problems
You energy is - spitfire, shown visually
You don't get it
What's wrong with you, you've never been in a relationship
Just try harder!
Are you still on your meds
Are you working

You know, it is not my business what people think of me. I am really working on this. Even though I don't have close friends, I know there are people out there that like me. I just may be too extreme and intense for them to be around me for long periods of time. So be it, I need space too.

Lisa

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Permalink Reply by jo elleman on August 27, 2009 at 2:08am

Reading through the variety of comments, I identified with each one so strongly that it was as if I was putting my own thoughts down. I am not adept at being able to recognize how I come accross to people and actually can disillusion myself to believe that I am behaving quite normally. But then that familiar glimmer of extreme irritation bordering on downright annoyance, often even disgust registers on the face of the person with whom I am interacting. This will once again set me back, causing me to either turn on myself, endlessly self-analyzing, or to lash out verbally at the distinct opinionated additude, which only reinforces the notion that I am indeed weird and rude
. It seems like I bounce back and forth from one extreme to another, keeping completely silent, hoping no one will notice my bungling social ineptness, or just getting caught up in the moment and jumping into the situation, only to suddenly hear myself babbling stupidly in my zeal to join in. But I also have been blessed with talent. I have been told by many teachers throughout elementary, secondary, and in college that I have not only a very fluid manner of writing, but that I have a natural sense of design. I have always loved to draw and paint, and having have admired the awome work of the famous illustrator, Norman Rockwell. (I wrote to him in college and have a personal answer from him) When I produce a painting which I attempt to execute with as much perfectionism as my idol had, I suddenly receive nothing but admiration. This is such an amazing contrast from the scorn I customarily evoke that I think, "if you only knew me..." But I am grateful for my talents, and have come to be comfortable with who I am. I have even learned to embrace my strangeness and rather than awkwardly attempt to fit in, hold my head up high, knowing that I don't have to fit into a mold, that being different is not a bad thing.
On the subject of tuning people out, I think we develop this ability as a coping mechanism. I have been told more than once that I have extremely faulty hearing and have been recommended hearing aids although my hearing always checks out completely fine. Maybe I tune out because I know the alternative is to overreact and to make an inevitable fool of myself. But we can take heart that the others are unable to master this amazing feat. We are such a mixed bag of curses and gifts. I hope I don't sound conceited when I say that I as well as all of you have a
great destiny, if we could only find that ellusive link from social misfit to heroine. (computer is going razy)

































Stephanie S. said:

Wow I feel this way too! People have always told me that I was creative and interesting, but I always got complaints from ppl in my life (family and friends) that would say I was too forgetful, lazy, messy, unorganized, hyper, strange, and just plain CRAZY. My parents have said that I was their hardest child (though in a loving way ;)) and teachers have remarked about how I didn't try hard enough in my schoolwork (even though in my mind I'm working my butt off) and sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right. However, all of my friends and family say they love my sense of humor, and the fact that I can make a good situation out of a bad one (because I've gotten myself in trouble so many times) and how understanding I am. But sometimes I feel like, "Am I the only one with these problems?" "Why does it take me so long to get something right?"

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Permalink Reply by Karen L on August 27, 2009 at 9:45am

Jo - Thank you for putting things so eloquent and balanced. You don't sound conceited at all but self-confidence, something I know I lack. I, too, have always been awkward and so relate to comments about appearing irritating to others and not recognizing it. For me, it's only LATER that I realize I did something wrong. I don't know why sometimes I have that knee-jerk, impulsive reaction and other times, I don't realize the error of my ways until hours later or that "clever comeback" thought doesn't come to mind until later. I am sometimes slow to pick up on criticism and then when I realize the critique, it's like I just got hit by a ton of bricks. On the flip side of the negative things, I remember as a kid, my parents were always impressed with my ability to remember phone numbers. I'm still pretty good at it but it has waned a bit. I have always been a very poignant writer and it comes easy for me - especially when I'm writing from my heart. I was always told how compassionate I am. I was also told that I was too sensitive and that may be true. I am very emotional and passionate about important things and people. I also think that some family who said that were perhaps a little too INsensitive. However, I'd rather be too compassionate than lacking in it.

I still struggle with self-acceptance. Especially during those awkward moments when I'm trying to figure out the appropriate thing to say. I don't want to look like a fumbling idiot but at least I'm learning to just smile and not say anything at all instead of opening my mouth and erasing all doubt. (That's a famous quote but I don't know who said it)

I try much harder these days to tune into other peoples' lives. I want people to know that I really care about them, that the concern is genuine. I try not to talk about myself too much. I don't want to appear too self-absorbed. I know too many people like that. So far, in my new home, Portland, OR, I've been doing much better at this. I feel good about it. Of course, the medication helps immensely at the blurting, impulsive comments.

Sorry if I rambled on/off the topic here. Felt compelled to write stuff. :)

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Permalink Reply by Candice on October 1, 2009 at 6:57am

Reading what everyone has written on this sight is like reading my ownthoughts. I have grown up not knowing I had adhd. I lookback and wonder how no one could have seen it! I'm a combined adhd it is very obvious. I always loved people say"You are so lound, back it down" That one is a top of my list. Then I just don't make and sense when i talk. It sounds fine in MY head, it just doesn't make sense when it comes out. If i'm haveing a conversation with some one it usually ends with the person just looking at me funny. I also can't control the things that I say. I have a tendency to say excatly how I feel. Does anyone else have a really hard time with their spelling and pronuncation. I"m horrible at it.Everyone loves to point that out to. My family has always descibed me as unique. I guess I alwats dance to the beat of my own drum. I've never found a place to fit in even as an adult. I handle my insucurities with sarcasim. So I come off with a very strong personality, but say one little thing to me and I either snap and lose my temper or retreat into my own mind and shut everyone and thing out. My husband and many others thing I 'm a crazy overly emotional person 95% of thrambling head. I can hardly make sense of it sometimes and you want me to tell you!!! haimpossible for me. I'm sorryfor the rambling but this feels good to tget it off my chest and no there are others out there who struggle totime. It rough liveing like this esp when no one gets what its like living i my ov

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Permalink Reply by Karen L on October 1, 2009 at 8:34am

Candice - I've always been good at spelling but I think misspelling is a common trait of ADHD. I was always a perfectionist about communication because of my overcompensation with the vocal/verbal word. I, too, was loud. "Loudmouth Ley" was my nickname - no kidding. I have always been hyper, hyper sensitive about the volume of my voice. And of course whatever was being said at that elevated decibel, was something odd, inappropriate or just plain weird. That's when my family would basically tell me to turn down the volume and glare at me for my comment. I would then retreat into some corner and cry, feeling sorry for myself about something I can't control. I'm still loud but fortunately, I work with people who are accepting of it. It's part of who I am and in some arenas, if you don't like it, too bad.

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Permalink Reply by mrsfoster on October 1, 2009 at 10:33am

We have too much in common.
But wow, we get verbally abused a lot don't we?
Monique said:

I hear most of those and:
-You are so mean (that's everyone) -You say whatever you think whether pple like it or not (my Dad) -You can be so blunt (everyone)
-You are your worst enemy (everyone)
-Your too harsh on yourself (everyone)
-You can't always be perfect
-You are too emotional...or too sensitive (my date/friend)
-Your soo messy (my date/friend)
-You don't trust anyone...I wonder why you trust me (therapist)
-You take allot of energy out of people (therapist)
-You are stuck in your box (psychiatrist)
-Why are'nt you married yet ( almost everyone)
-Your too loud (almost everyone)
-You don't make any sense (almost everyone)

-Sometimes I want to be someone else (me)

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Permalink Reply by Susan K. on October 6, 2009 at 3:57pm

WOW! Thanks for EVERY post in this thread. They all remind me that I have a lot of twins out there!

: )

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