For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect

What other people say about you?

It's hard to cope with other people constantly wondering what the heck is up with you...especially loved ones who think you don't love them?!?

I am told a number of things:

You don't take things as serious as most people. (my sister)
You don't care about anything but yourself. (ha! it's all I can do just to remember my own needs--even though I'll agree to do something for you...and then totally forget) *everyone has told me this or at least thought it =]
I'm a Fire Cracker--poppin off. (my boyfriend)
Don't be surprised if you get smacked upside the head one day (my step dad).
Think organized and you will BE organized. (HA! Thank you, boyfriend)
You worry too much. (my best friend for 15 years.)
You are so good at life! (my boyfriend--yep he's a keeper)

No one has ever said I was funny, even though I think I'm hilarious. =] haha.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barb on March 18, 2009 at 6:30pm: "You're always late so you can get attention." That's my dad
"You need to get more organized." my hubby
A lot of people tell me I'm funny so I guess there's some positive feedback.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by lisa on April 9, 2009 at 9:49pm: I have heard all the same things. I've also been told that I have "intimacy problems" (not sexual, but emotional), that I am cold/distant, and selfish.

Because of these comments, I've lost good friends.

I used to feel so guilty about being a bad friend that I would put off my entire life to do things for people and I would always agree with them (even when I didn't). This led me to become friends with really selfish and manipulative people--I was a good doormat.

How do you all keep relationships? Usually--am I right?--women tend to take control of the direction or tone of a hetero relationship -- what do you do/how do you stay together if YOU are the one who forgets birthdays, can't keep a clean house, doesn't call when you're supposed to, etc.? Where do you find organized people who don't think you're awful?

How do you not internalize the things people say about you?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Theannalicious on April 9, 2009 at 10:50pm: lisa said:
How do you not internalize the things people say about you?

Good question. I still remember vividly the time my mother told me I had a green heart. Me and my little sis were just playing! How did I internalized that?? And WTF does that mean anywayyyy??? I was like 4!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jennifer W on April 10, 2009 at 12:13am: How about "you are so smart, But" I am so sick of the "But". Why cant you get it together? You just need to do it! Why dont you get it? You need to try harder!On and On and On....And about friends, you do so much for them I think they are the spoiled ones. I would be nice to meet somebody that wasnt so judgemental.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kimberly W on April 10, 2009 at 8:47am: After 17yrs. of being in an awful marriage I finally got out and found my soulmate. A Navy man!! He's organized, remembers everything and understands my condition. Definately a keeper. We've been married for 7 years and he is still just as understanding as he was when we were dating. Of course he has to remind me of everything and I do forget to call him when I'm suppose to and he shares the housework with me and usually intiates the cleaning process w/o saying anything and I'll jump in at some point.

There is someone out there for everyone and fortunately I finally found mine!!!

lisa said:
I have heard all the same things. I've also been told that I have "intimacy problems" (not sexual, but emotional), that I am cold/distant, and selfish.

Because of these comments, I've lost good friends.

I used to feel so guilty about being a bad friend that I would put off my entire life to do things for people and I would always agree with them (even when I didn't). This led me to become friends with really selfish and manipulative people--I was a good doormat.

How do you all keep relationships? Usually--am I right?--women tend to take control of the direction or tone of a hetero relationship -- what do you do/how do you stay together if YOU are the one who forgets birthdays, can't keep a clean house, doesn't call when you're supposed to, etc.? Where do you find organized people who don't think you're awful?

How do you not internalize the things people say about you?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Scheherez on April 10, 2009 at 10:32am: LOL!

You're lucky! I've been called all manner of things...not a lot of them good!

I think the most positive of them are "unique" and "special"...Everybody knows that's just a politically correct way of saying "you're crazy."

To be quite honest, I have trouble all the time...to keep a job; to have any sort of relationships, platonic or intimate, because I always say or do something to mess it up; to just "relax" and "enjoy life" (that REALLY pisses me off, since when I do so, I seem to cross some boundary I don't know about...!)

This crap is getting really old really fast...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Missy M on April 13, 2009 at 3:08pm: Yes, I am with you. I feel so "abnormal." My husband thinks I am just crazy and sometimes I think he is right. I can be happy one minute and the next I tell my husband that I want a divorce. My emotions build up and I just can't hold them in. I have lost jobs for saying the wrong thing. Most people say that what I do is speak my mind. People who are too shy or timid to point something out to someone come to me and tell me to go ask about it. I have no problem with that and then I get told that I am rude. This really is getting in the way of my marriage and I don't really know how to deal with it.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Theannalicious on April 13, 2009 at 5:50pm: Missy M said:
Yes, I am with you. I feel so "abnormal." My husband thinks I am just crazy and sometimes I think he is right. I can be happy one minute and the next I tell my husband that I want a divorce. My emotions build up and I just can't hold them in. I have lost jobs for saying the wrong thing. Most people say that what I do is speak my mind. People who are too shy or timid to point something out to someone come to me and tell me to go ask about it. I have no problem with that and then I get told that I am rude. This really is getting in the way of my marriage and I don't really know how to deal with it.

I was like that until I got on Wellbutrin. Changed my life. MUCH more mellow. No more hot panicky feelings and deep dark hollow feelings. Feeling really stable! I just take 150 mg SR once per day. And I got Buspar to counter the anxiety feelings that WB can cause. Perfect combo if you ask me (and my husband).

Theann; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Pam on April 13, 2009 at 6:05pm: I too have a difficult time with relationships. It has gotten so that I am extremely afraid to reallyh trust anyone. I don't want to have my heart broken again by a friend I get attached to and have them dump me, like so many others have. Frequenly with no explanation or discussion. After 9 years, I had a friend tell me she didn't have time for ande my nonsense anymore. Wnen I asked for an explanation, she would give me one. This person was not a casual acquantance. I truely do not ubderstand.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Deborah on May 19, 2009 at 5:58am: What do people say to me?

That my house is a mess and very unorganized. When I do organize something my hubby would say "WHY" would you put that THERE?? (because that is how my brain works)

My kids say "Mom...mom....mom...and MAYBE i will respond on the 10th Mom. That drives them nuts.

That I would forget my head if it wasnt attached.

One of these days someone is going to smack you. (my dad said this to me all the time when I was mouthing off at him as a teenager) (those rambling thoughts that turn into words out of my mouth)

You have anxiety/depression and need antidepressants. (I think I need to get the ADD under control and the other "mental illnesses" will be better)

You don't care about doing anything but what you want to do. You won't listen to me. (I do care about other things, but seem to put the important things on the back burner. Sometimes I do zone out when someone is repeating themselves for the 10th time)

You get too defensive when I am trying to point out to you your "mistakes" (hubby tends to love to do this first thing in the morning) Drives me NUTS. I put on my amazing block out powers that early in the morning. (who wants to be "rebuked" first thing in the morning")

You block out anything that is important. (yep, I have an amazing power at doing this. Some people have said I can't believe how patient you are. Not realizing I have blocked it out)

You sleep too much. You never seem happy. (yep I am tired all the time. Hormones, antidepressants i am on, makes me tired)

You need to spend more time with the kids. (I would if they wouldn't fight over me all the time)

How come you always need peace and quiet? (because I am hyper sensitive to a LOT of noise); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Manda on May 28, 2009 at 9:47pm: Why can't you just put things back where they belong? It's a simple concept. (my father, who also has ADHD. I get most of my grief from my father. You'd think he'd understand it a little better, but no.)

Are you listening? (No, there's something going on somewhere and I didn't hear a word you said. Or I was focused on my own thoughts.)

You're always on that damn computer of yours. Why can't you get anything else done in your life? (again, my father)

What's so hard about cleaning your room? When I was your age... (if you said dad, you're right)

And then, there are things said when I'm not around:

She's okay when she's on her meds, but when she's off them...well... (boyfriend's sister)

What's her problem? (my boyfriend's other sister)

Why are you defending her? Why can't she come out and tell us herself? She's being immature. (In fact, I am being mature. If I feel I'm about to blow up and cause a scene anywhere, I walk away to the nearest room and shut myself in until I'm calmed down enough to go back out.); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lori Doyle on May 28, 2009 at 11:58pm: Why can't you just pay attention? (everyone my whole life)

Why can't you finish your sentences? (co workers, children, boyfriend)

Mom, I am not going to talk to you until you look at me! (pisses me off royally, but I understand as I don't multi task I don't even double task!

My worst conversations with you are when you are awake! (co worker as a joke but hurt just the same!)

The thing I hate about myself the most is that when I am trying to tell someone something my mind has already gone on to 13 different subjects, so I stop in the middle of the sentence and I can't finish because I can't, for the life of me, remember what the hell I was saying!

I hate this about myself but my kids hate it the most. Drives them nuts!; ▶ Reply to This