My struggles as a career woman with ADD. Can you help?

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Permalink Reply by Allison on January 22, 2009 at 11:30am

Darlene, I understand. I'm going through this myself.

I recommend this career questionaire by Wilma Feldman that I'm currently working through:

http://www.add.org/articles/ask_20.html

It gets you to systematically and thoroughly explore job options by identifying your strengths and weaknesses then suggests testing out these jobs through volunteering/shadowing people on the job, etc to determine if the job would be a good fit and what accommodations could make it work. Hope it helps.

Re. what you said - you have many skills that would be transferable. If you enjoy the work perhaps you could do the same sort of job in a workplace that isn't a government bureaucracy and has a slower pace? Or work part-time or temp? Once the work pressure is off, perhaps you could explore photography and digital media further in your own time, shadow someone who works in the field and determine if you truly want to take on further study.

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Permalink Reply by Darlene Sullivan on January 23, 2009 at 10:05pm

Hi Allison,

Thank you for the suggestion on the questionnaire...I glanced through it and it looks like something that could really help me. If I may I ask, what type of work you have done in the past and how did your ADD effect you in your previous jobs?

I have always been one to over-analyze everything, and now that I know I have ADD, I am analyzing myself even more than before! I just don't trust myself to manage my time effectively or even to start and complete "normal" things like paying bills, etc. What have you done to get past judging yourself too harshly?

I guess I am so afraid of detail work because I was so overwhelmed by it at my previous job, that I don't even want to look at any jobs that list "attention to detail" as a requirement in the job requirements. Now that I have been beaten down by my former supervisor, I feel even more insecure about my struggle with attention to detail than I felt before (which was already pretty insecure). As a result, if someone is watching me, I become extremely anxious. I just don't know if I can even handle working at all, but I have to find a job! We can't survive on just my boyfriend's salary.

I will work on the questionnaire that you recommended. How far along are you on the questionnaire and what have you learned?



Allison said:

Darlene, I understand. I'm going through this myself.

I recommend this career questionaire by Wilma Feldman that I'm currently working through:

http://www.add.org/articles/ask_20.html

It gets you to systematically and thoroughly explore job options by identifying your strengths and weaknesses then suggests testing out these jobs through volunteering/shadowing people on the job, etc to determine if the job would be a good fit and what accommodations could make it work. Hope it helps.

Re. what you said - you have many skills that would be transferable. If you enjoy the work perhaps you could do the same sort of job in a workplace that isn't a government bureaucracy and has a slower pace? Or work part-time or temp? Once the work pressure is off, perhaps you could explore photography and digital media further in your own time, shadow someone who works in the field and determine if you truly want to take on further study.

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Permalink Reply by Darlene Sullivan on January 23, 2009 at 10:32pm

Well, today is January 23rd and I haven't even looked at any job ads. I am living in this fantasy world where I am pretending that we are going to win the lottery or miraculously come into some money! I wish I knew other women with ADD that I could talk to because I just feel so lost right now...

I spend a lot of time during the day thinking about the jobs I have had in the past and reliving them in my mind. I have dreams in which my supervisor and I are working together again and she is acting unreasonable and I am not fighting back. I have other dreams where my father or one of my sisters and I are together and they are being mean to me, and in those dreams I always fight back! I grew up in an abusive home and I always promised myself that I would never let anyone mistreat me again, but it happened again. I fought back against my supervisor also, but not very effectively. I would plan what I was going to say to her when we would meet, but as soon as she threw one curve ball at me, I turned into that helpless scared little twelve year old girl and was hurt and afraid and no longer able to defend myself in a non-emotional way. This supervisor is a very nasty control freak, but each time we had a conversation, I left feeling like I "lost," and I know that was what she wanted, so I feel like I failed to protect myself. When I was twelve, I didn't know how to protect myself, but at forty-four, I should be able to hold my own against a nasty person, and I can't. So all I can think about is how long it will take in a new job for the conflicts to start? How long will it be before my new supervisor figures out where my weak spot is, and hones in on it? It has happened at several of my jobs. When there is a conflict, I can handle it for a while, but as soon as I hear criticism, I become angry and then emotional. All of a sudden, it isn't a conversation about the issue, it is the little twelve year old girl inside of me telling the "bad" person in front of me to go away! I wish other people would understand that no matter how hard they are on me, I am harder on myself. Whatever they tell me, I've told myself a hundred times!

I keep thinking that I would like to have my own business, but of course, that takes money and time. Is there anyone out there who has had any luck with getting a small business loan?

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Permalink Reply by Allison on January 26, 2009 at 7:01pm

Hi Darlene,

Hope you had a good day today.

Jobs I've done: journalist (newspaper and magazine) and PR for a small agency.
How my ADD affects it: I was diagnosed after I realized that it was taking me longer than anyone else to do my job, I was obssessing over making a mistake and would wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night remembering something I should have done. After my diagnosis I actually made significant progress with attention to detail but the pendulum has swung the other way. I am now a complete perfectionist, which takes just as much time and emotional energy and is also destructive. Looking back I realize that I had absolutely no organizational skills and that affected my work performance in subtle and complicated ways, compounding my difficulties the longer I stayed in a job. (E.g. I didn't keep contact phone numbers or important documents so I would have to retrace my steps every time and look up peoples' phone numbers / historic details, etc. It also meant I wasn't effectively following through with people I'd meant, developing proper relationships in order to get better quality stories, etc. Sometimes I'd zone out, bored, at public meetings, then have to chase people down after the meeting to check my facts, wasting valuable time.

Judging yourself harshly : I still haven't really moved past that stage. I try not to compare myself with others but measure my own progress.

Toxic bosses: I've tried to block them out and be accountable only to myself. That's worked to some extent, but it is difficult. They're still there, buried under a few layers of the subconscious!

Job ads: I'd say 95 percent of job ads require "the ability to multitask and prioritize among projects in a fast-paced work environment." This overwhelms me, too. I don't have the answer yet.
Some thoughts: hire a part-time temp / virtual assistant or unpaid intern. I'm considering moving to a less expensive region so my husband and I can live on 1.5 incomes.

The questionaire: I think I need to work part-time as a freelancer in the field of writing / PR that I'm best at. So I am trying to find suitable people to "shadow" to determine what exactly this would involve and how to tailor things to play to my strengths. I am having difficulty finding anyone to shadow because of company protocols on outsiders. I also feel weird asking, because I present myself as having it all together and I think people think I just want to steal their ideas / work practises! I'm currently networking andtrying to narrow my focus on one company / one perspn and hone my approach. We'll see.

Re. running a business: my advice is to get to know your weaknesses better before you dive into it.

Hope this helps. I'm happy to talk to you directly.

Alison







Darlene Sullivan said:

Hi Allison,

Thank you for the suggestion on the questionnaire...I glanced through it and it looks like something that could really help me. If I may I ask, what type of work you have done in the past and how did your ADD effect you in your previous jobs?

I have always been one to over-analyze everything, and now that I know I have ADD, I am analyzing myself even more than before! I just don't trust myself to manage my time effectively or even to start and complete "normal" things like paying bills, etc. What have you done to get past judging yourself too harshly?

I guess I am so afraid of detail work because I was so overwhelmed by it at my previous job, that I don't even want to look at any jobs that list "attention to detail" as a requirement in the job requirements. Now that I have been beaten down by my former supervisor, I feel even more insecure about my struggle with attention to detail than I felt before (which was already pretty insecure). As a result, if someone is watching me, I become extremely anxious. I just don't know if I can even handle working at all, but I have to find a job! We can't survive on just my boyfriend's salary.

I will work on the questionnaire that you recommended. How far along are you on the questionnaire and what have you learned?



Allison said:

Darlene, I understand. I'm going through this myself.

I recommend this career questionaire by Wilma Feldman that I'm currently working through:

http://www.add.org/articles/ask_20.html

It gets you to systematically and thoroughly explore job options by identifying your strengths and weaknesses then suggests testing out these jobs through volunteering/shadowing people on the job, etc to determine if the job would be a good fit and what accommodations could make it work. Hope it helps.

Re. what you said - you have many skills that would be transferable. If you enjoy the work perhaps you could do the same sort of job in a workplace that isn't a government bureaucracy and has a slower pace? Or work part-time or temp? Once the work pressure is off, perhaps you could explore photography and digital media further in your own time, shadow someone who works in the field and determine if you truly want to take on further study.

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Permalink Reply by Darlene Sullivan on January 29, 2009 at 11:59am

Hi Allison,

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps so much to know that there are other women out there who understand how I feel. Although my boyfriend tries to understand, I think it must be extremely difficult for him to imagine how my brain works differently from his. What you said about not getting things done is exactly what I experienced at my job! I would rack my brain trying to figure out why it took me longer than everyone else. Why was I working twice as hard and getting half as much done? I dreaded going to work because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, there was probably something that I forgot to follow-up on that would now be a problem. I would try everything I could think of to help me remember things, but it seemed like the harder I tried, the more difficult it became!

I understand exactly what you mean about being a perfectionist. I do the same thing myself! One of my prior counselors helped me with this a little bit...In my mind, everything that I do has to get a grade of "A." Once we talked about it, she helped me understand that not everything needs to be an "A." I remind myself of this often, and when I do, it is such a relief! I will be cleaning or organizing something, and agonizing over whether or not it is perfect, and the thought will come into my mind that an "A-" is okay, and I will be able to stop without feeling guilty. Of course, some things have to be perfect, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how many times I am satisfied (and everyone else is satisfied) with what I consider a "B+." (Since I tend to judge myself so harshly, I have found that my "B+" is an "A" to everyone else most of the time anyway.)

It seems to me that women with ADD find the most success when working in a non-office environment. Do you find that to be true? I guess that is why I am hoping to have my own business. Even though it may be very challenging, if I own my own business, I can do things "my way," and prove to myself that I can be successful. I want to find a way to use my strengths instead of working in an environment that brings attention to my weaknesses. Does that make sense to you?

I can tell from your writing that you are very talented. I hope you have an opportunity to "shadow" someone...Have you thought about checking with not-for-profit agencies for opportunities to "shadow?" Maybe rather than asking to "shadow" someone, you could offer to volunteer your time working with a writer or PR rep employed with a not-for-profit? That way, you would essentially be shadowing someone, but the agency wouldn't look at you as a threat.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply to my messages...I hope to hear from you again soon...

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Permalink Reply by Allison on February 5, 2009 at 6:32pm

Hi Darlene,

It's really good to hear that you got your hear around the whole A-, B+ thing. That's what I need to do.

It's funny that you mention the idea of volunteering for a non-profit. I actually submitted my details to some a couple of days ago, so hopefully I'll hear back. I chose agencies working on issues that I am interested in / feel strongly about.

I definitely agree we should play to our strengths, but I also feel strongly that if we try to go solo in a business venture, we need to build in ways to be accountable to our clients and to preserve work / life balance. Not sure how best to achieve this, but buddying up with a non-ADDer who is an organized, practical but non-judgemental type would be ideal. I just haven't found that person yet. Right now I am splitting my days into blocks of time where I
a) search for a job and learn new job-related skills b) accomplish housework c) care for my pets d)reconnect with old friends and family members I've neglected and e) pursue some new hobbies / interests. I have successful and less successful days. The Internet is still this vortex that sucks me in for hours of relatively unproductive, unfocused browsing.


I know what you mean about your boyfriend not understanding ADD. As wonderful as my husband is, he doesn't fully understand it either. I've tried using the analogy of being short-sighted and having limited access to corrective glasses / contact lenses!

Let me know anytime you'd like to speak in person. Hope you're having a good week!

Allison


Darlene Sullivan said:

Hi Allison,

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps so much to know that there are other women out there who understand how I feel. Although my boyfriend tries to understand, I think it must be extremely difficult for him to imagine how my brain works differently from his. What you said about not getting things done is exactly what I experienced at my job! I would rack my brain trying to figure out why it took me longer than everyone else. Why was I working twice as hard and getting half as much done? I dreaded going to work because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, there was probably something that I forgot to follow-up on that would now be a problem. I would try everything I could think of to help me remember things, but it seemed like the harder I tried, the more difficult it became!

I understand exactly what you mean about being a perfectionist. I do the same thing myself! One of my prior counselors helped me with this a little bit...In my mind, everything that I do has to get a grade of "A." Once we talked about it, she helped me understand that not everything needs to be an "A." I remind myself of this often, and when I do, it is such a relief! I will be cleaning or organizing something, and agonizing over whether or not it is perfect, and the thought will come into my mind that an "A-" is okay, and I will be able to stop without feeling guilty. Of course, some things have to be perfect, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how many times I am satisfied (and everyone else is satisfied) with what I consider a "B+." (Since I tend to judge myself so harshly, I have found that my "B+" is an "A" to everyone else most of the time anyway.)

It seems to me that women with ADD find the most success when working in a non-office environment. Do you find that to be true? I guess that is why I am hoping to have my own business. Even though it may be very challenging, if I own my own business, I can do things "my way," and prove to myself that I can be successful. I want to find a way to use my strengths instead of working in an environment that brings attention to my weaknesses. Does that make sense to you?

I can tell from your writing that you are very talented. I hope you have an opportunity to "shadow" someone...Have you thought about checking with not-for-profit agencies for opportunities to "shadow?" Maybe rather than asking to "shadow" someone, you could offer to volunteer your time working with a writer or PR rep employed with a not-for-profit? That way, you would essentially be shadowing someone, but the agency wouldn't look at you as a threat.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply to my messages...I hope to hear from you again soon...

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Permalink Reply by paisley on February 18, 2009 at 10:32pm

Thank you both so much for your thoughts! I have been struggling so much with these issues and trying to figure out how to not just function at work, but to thrive and enjoy myself. I have all of these issues you list and more, and have been finding more layers and shades of my ADD the longer I work in the office in which I currently work as a secretary. I have done the classic thing of fighting my way all the way through school only to under-employ myself because I have major time management and organization challenges, not to mention focus, prioritizing, and follow-through (all things that you must have to be a secretary!!) i have been trying to figure out what I should be doing instead and how to do it in a flexible, productive way perhaps even based from my home. I just can't seem to figure out how to find jobs like that or develop my own. I don't even know what jobs there are, or what I would be suited for. All of my experience is in fields that require timeliness, focus, planning, and detail--no wonder I have had so many jobs!!! Right now I am just trying to figure out my strengths and interests so I can attempt to discover how and where to apply them. Thanks so much for your thoughts--I will keep following this thread and your experiences for much-needed validation!

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Permalink Reply by paisley on February 18, 2009 at 10:36pm

Incidentally, wouldn't it be great to have a Women with ADD career mentoring program in which women with add who have successful/fulfilling careers guide and mentor those who are struggling with tips, insights, and add-friendly career suggestions? That would be super helpful to me.

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Permalink Reply by Diane K on February 19, 2009 at 11:42am

My experience has been that ADD also demands of us that to be effective we need an environment that is"highly challenging and highly stimulating"-are you wanting the change just because it's time for a change or because you believe the ADD makes you a bad fit for the job? It sort of sounds like the perfect job for ADD, especially if you've been successful? I know what you mean, though, the follow through thing is such a burden, and the pressure of missing a detail is too. dianek

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Permalink Reply by Amy on February 20, 2009 at 9:32am

Wow - I feel like I could have written all of the above myself! I have not heard from so many woman with the same feelings and issues - ever! My last job was as a paralegal/ office manager and it completely drained me. I had to keep my ADD boss organized at work, be organized myself and then go home to help my son stay on task and organize his homework - not to mention then my home (which was the something that had to give). Whew. But now I am also unemployed and feeling all of the same frustrations. What if I go back to school - how? and then what? I'm 42, single mom of an 11 year old boy with ADHD, giftedness and anxiety. He needs me around for support and advocacy but I need a job and my own passions - a life. How does anyone balance these things? I'm still reading through the prior thoughts - this is obviously a much needed venting and networking issue. Hopefully, we can help each other through sharing our experiences and not feeling so alone... Thank you.

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Permalink Reply by KWing on February 20, 2009 at 11:17am

I certainly empathize with what everyone says and hope to learn some sort of an answer. I work with my brother in a small family owned business and my background is in finance (I'm a CPA no longer in public accounting) - while I'd love to change careers (not that I have any in mind), it isn't really an option for me. A good secretary would help but I don't seem to be good at hiring and we really can't afford what I need at this time with the economy so I struggle along, frustrated and suffering from daily migraines. This job is more flexible and slower paced (usually) than public accounting but like Darlene talked about, I have always been someone who has to get an A++ (and I don't really even get feedback with this job - positive or negative - which makes it even harder to motivate myself). Several of our employees appear to have ADD or ADHD and I find people looking to me for organization and as the one holding things together which causes a lot of stress (my kids have ADHD as well so home life much more relaxing although my husband is quite understanding and very helpful). I guess I'm mostly looking for ways to become enthusiastic with the job I have and self-motivate. I know being easier on myself is part of the process and I'm working on that but I seem to go from one extreme to the other.

Looking forward to reading others comments and suggestions.

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Permalink Reply by Country Critter on March 5, 2009 at 11:04pm

I could spend days writing on this subject. But in order to actually make any sense, I will break it down in to smaller parts over multiple posts. I will first talk about my job history. In the 18 years that I have been employed, I have had more than 25 different jobs (including my current one). The shortest was 3 days and the longest was 5 years and there were times that I held multiple jobs at the same time. I have a BA in adolescent developmental psychology and spent 10 years working various positions in this field. I have also done the following: retail sales and stock work, 1 hour photo printing, barista, bartender and cocktail server, fine dining waitress, warehouse worker, caregiver, medication aide, and my current job as a vet assistant. Having done both the “career” route and the non-traditional job route, the only ones that I have been TRUELY happy as well as never had any problems were bartending and the vet assistant. I left my last job working in a hospital inpatient mental health unit stressed, sick, burnt out and with PTSD from a very toxic manager and director as well as abusive co-workers. I got good feedback from the patients but could not deal with the office politics any more nor the fact that my director told me I was the unit "scapegoat" and I could either "quit or suck it up and take it." After a very unsuccessful job hunt, I decided to scrap the notion of looking for something that fits my skills and ADHD talents and began to look for something that I would enjoy like animals. I now work for a small vet clinic where my employers treat their employees with respect. Once, they decided to take the whole office (all 8 of us) out to lunch, not only paying for the meal but also the hour that we were gone. Although I am working an entry level position while in my mid 30's for half the pay I used to make, I am sooooo much happier. Well that is it for now. I’m starting to get tired.

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