For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect

My struggles as a career woman with ADD. Can you help?

Do you feel like your ADD/ADHD keeps you from performing up to your standards? Do you compare yourself against your peers and feel like you work twice as hard to complete the same amount of work?

I am 44 and was diagnosed with ADD a year ago. Before I was diagnosed, I felt as though I worked twice as hard as my peers, but didn't get as much work done, and I was constantly frustrated as a result. To make matters worse, for the last thirteen years I have worked in the Financial Services Industry, a tightly regulated and highly regimented industry where success requires strong skills in attention to detail, time-management and multi-tasking. I left my job in mid-September and am currently unemployed.

I was successful in my job and worked my way up to a higher-than-average salary, but I was miserable. Working in a noisy environment where I was constantly interrupted by one of the five Financial Advisors that I assisted, or one of their clients, or an employee in another department, every day ended with me feeling like a failure. It was typical in my job to be working on 20-30 tasks at any given time, and every single thing that I did required follow-up (the bane of my existence!) because it inevitably required approval and/or processing by another department before it was completed.

Why didn't anyone in my personal or professional life know enough about ADD/ADHD to see my struggles as a big red flag? I'm not really sure. I didn't even put it all together until a year ago, and I have conducted substantial research on ADD/ADHD because my ex-husband was ADHD and my 23 year old son was diagnosed with ADD seven years ago. I was well aware of my struggles, but attributing those struggles to ADD never crossed my mind. I assumed that my son got his ADD from his dad, and I think because society is more informed about men and their struggles with ADD/ADHD then they are of women, a woman's struggles are usually not looked upon as a mental health issue, but as a flaw. To my knowledge, no one in my family has ever been diagnosed with ADD, although I now strongly suspect that I inherited it from my mom.

So what do I do now? I have so many questions, but no answers. All of my jobs going back twenty-three years have been in positions that required skills similar to those required in my job in the Financial Services industry, so I don't have any idea what type of work I might enjoy. All I have now is twenty-three years of experience in a field of work that is not a good match for me. Can any of my skills carry over into other jobs that I might enjoy?

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? What have your job experiences been, positive and negative, as they relate to ADD/ADHD? Are you in a job that is a good match for someone with ADD/ADHD or are you struggling like me? My passion is photography and digital new media, but in order to make a living in these fields, I need a 4-year degree. So, do I start over at 44 and hope that at 48 when I complete school I will be able to find a job? And what if I give up my current income and throw my experience to the wind and then can't find a job doing what I love after four years of college?

I have been struggling with this dilemma with my career since mid-September and am not any closer to knowing what to do then I was four months ago. I am not even looking for a job because every potential job that I think I am qualified for requires strong skills in attention to detail, good time management, and the ability to multi-task, all things that I need to minimize as much as possible. I am so afraid that I am going to go right back into a job that I hate and end up miserable again. I so desperately want to find a way to make a difference in this world, but can't figure out how to do it.

Tags: a, add, adhd, career, finding, job, struggles, unemployed, woman

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by KD on March 2, 2010 at 1:48am: Hello All,
I am so happy that I found this group. I knew that I was different in the second grade. I am now 49. I was sitting in my seat and terrified of my teacher and the math test results she was handing out. When she place mine on my desk, she shook her head at me, called me stupid and wanted to know why I couldn't be more like my older brother. He was in her class the year prior. At the same time she was humiliating me in front of the other kids, I remember looking at her and thinking that I knew what she was REALLY thinking as she placed that D- on my desk. I jumped into her brain. She knew deep down inside that she didn't know what to do with kids that weren't perfect students. She knew that my I.Q. wasn't low and that I could easily keep up with the other kids in many other areas. So, she had two choices. The first choice was to face the fact that she had no clue how to teach kids that did not learn or pick up on certain subjects the way the "Norms" did, or put me down. She could not face the former because well....you do the math...no pun intended, so by humiliating me and putting me down made her look better and gave her the confirmation that she needed to feel good about herself.
I didn't mean to get off subject. I knew I was different, but back then there wasn't a name for it. I went through all my school years like this. I was diagnosed 8 years ago. I am extremely mindful, plugged in and in the know and perceptive of what my skills, moxy and talents are and deeply aware of where I am a blunderer and incompetent.
Being aware of this has NOT worked in my favor. I don't pay attention to what I am thinking and my mind wanders even when I am daydreaming. I have tons of ideas....I know exactly what I would love to do as a career and I have tried to put some of these ideas into action. My problem??? My problem is that it is virtually impossible for me to follow through. I never finish anything that I start. Ever. I suffer from depression, I work part time, cannot afford to pay my bills...never mind a coach. It's horrible and I am exhausted. I am so tired of trying this and that, things my friends tell me that I would be so great at and I know that I would but I also know I will get stuck and will not follow through.
Its depressing. I feel like a rat on a wheel.
Thank you for letting me unload.....
Karen

Darlene Sullivan said:
Hi Janis,
I read your post today, and I feel so much of what you feel. I am in school right now and not working. I receive unemployment, but it won't last much longer.

In my opinion, the saddest issue about ADD is how people with ADD are looked upon as lazy or careless. Non-Adders have no idea how badly we strive to do our best and how hard we are on ourselves we we fail again and again. And because the workplace, in most cases, has become so much more negative and intolerant, our "failings" stand out so much more.

There are so few days when I feel good about what I have accomplished, and I know I am too hard on myself. I think ADDers tend to be told in verbal and non-verbal ways by others that we are lazy and unorganized and basic failures. When I was working, I would be so proud of the things I accomplished, but in corporate America, what you just accomplished no longer matters...it's what you are going to to next. And the focus is almost never on the positive (at least not in any place where I have worked), so that makes it a million times harder for someone with ADD, and a trillion times harder for women with ADD. I often envy the way men can just let things roll off their backs and just get back to work. That's not me, that's for sure!

I am seeing that many successful women with ADD have their own business, and that is what I hope to have in the future. Although the prospect of the detail part of having my own business is daunting, I am going to have some detail work no matter what I do, so better to be in charge of myself!

Have you thought about going back to school? What are you interests? What would you do if money and ADD were no object? That is an important question to ask yourself. What types of jobs are you looking for and what jobs did you have in the past? Which ones did you like and why?

What I love about this forum is that we can "rant" if we want to and no one judges us...

Janis said:
I've read everything, and it all describes me perfectly. Like many of you, I've had tons of jobs. They're in different industries and in different types of positions. So, now employers look and see not only job hopping, they see totally different jobs. I got my last job because I was able to say that, "after trying all of these other positions, I realized that [the position applying for] is the one that I enjoy the most and perform the best in." Then, six months later, I screwed up payroll for the second time because of distractions and was fired. Now, I'm again in the same situation. This time, though, the economy makes it hard in the first place and with my resume limitations, it is impossible. I can usually get a call/email back when I send out either a skills-based resume or a resume without dates. But, in the callback, they ask for a "regular" resume with dates. Once I send that or say that I'd prefer to bring it in person, they are no longer interested.

I also have a couple gaps in employment - one for law school (which I couldn't complete because of ADHD) and one for back surgery. If I mention law school, the employer wants to know why I didn't finish and why I would be interested in the position being offered if I had gone to law school for two years. If I say that I've had back surgery, they're not interested because it'll put their insurance premiums up or they're concerned that I'll be off again for surgery.

I'm just getting more and more depressed, and my unemployment is running out. I know that I probably can't "handle" the $60K+ positions because of my ADHD, but for any position for which I'd be underemployed, I'm told that I'm overqualified or I know I would be bored, which is the absolute worst for me.

I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. Sorry - this has turned into a kind of rant rather than a question.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by KD on March 2, 2010 at 3:44am: Are there any women in this group willing to see if we share a common interest in what we would enjoy and succeed at in regards to a career? Preferably in a business? I think it would be wonderful to find a partner that has similar goals and interests. I know that I would be able to follow through if I knew that I could connect with someone and work together with them....even if by phone. I never follow through because once I get stuck, distracted or feel self doubt I give up. I can't tell you how many times I have started something, did not complete it and then slept for 2 days out of depression. I know I could do it with a partner....

KD said:
Hello All,
I am so happy that I found this group. I knew that I was different in the second grade. I am now 49. I was sitting in my seat and terrified of my teacher and the math test results she was handing out. When she place mine on my desk, she shook her head at me, called me stupid and wanted to know why I couldn't be more like my older brother. He was in her class the year prior. At the same time she was humiliating me in front of the other kids, I remember looking at her and thinking that I knew what she was REALLY thinking as she placed that D- on my desk. I jumped into her brain. She knew deep down inside that she didn't know what to do with kids that weren't perfect students. She knew that my I.Q. wasn't low and that I could easily keep up with the other kids in many other areas. So, she had two choices. The first choice was to face the fact that she had no clue how to teach kids that did not learn or pick up on certain subjects the way the "Norms" did, or put me down. She could not face the former because well....you do the math...no pun intended, so by humiliating me and putting me down made her look better and gave her the confirmation that she needed to feel good about herself.
I didn't mean to get off subject. I knew I was different, but back then there wasn't a name for it. I went through all my school years like this. I was diagnosed 8 years ago. I am extremely mindful, plugged in and in the know and perceptive of what my skills, moxy and talents are and deeply aware of where I am a blunderer and incompetent.
Being aware of this has NOT worked in my favor. I don't pay attention to what I am thinking and my mind wanders even when I am daydreaming. I have tons of ideas....I know exactly what I would love to do as a career and I have tried to put some of these ideas into action. My problem??? My problem is that it is virtually impossible for me to follow through. I never finish anything that I start. Ever. I suffer from depression, I work part time, cannot afford to pay my bills...never mind a coach. It's horrible and I am exhausted. I am so tired of trying this and that, things my friends tell me that I would be so great at and I know that I would but I also know I will get stuck and will not follow through.
Its depressing. I feel like a rat on a wheel.
Thank you for letting me unload.....
Karen

Darlene Sullivan said:
Hi Janis,
I read your post today, and I feel so much of what you feel. I am in school right now and not working. I receive unemployment, but it won't last much longer.

In my opinion, the saddest issue about ADD is how people with ADD are looked upon as lazy or careless. Non-Adders have no idea how badly we strive to do our best and how hard we are on ourselves we we fail again and again. And because the workplace, in most cases, has become so much more negative and intolerant, our "failings" stand out so much more.

There are so few days when I feel good about what I have accomplished, and I know I am too hard on myself. I think ADDers tend to be told in verbal and non-verbal ways by others that we are lazy and unorganized and basic failures. When I was working, I would be so proud of the things I accomplished, but in corporate America, what you just accomplished no longer matters...it's what you are going to to next. And the focus is almost never on the positive (at least not in any place where I have worked), so that makes it a million times harder for someone with ADD, and a trillion times harder for women with ADD. I often envy the way men can just let things roll off their backs and just get back to work. That's not me, that's for sure!

I am seeing that many successful women with ADD have their own business, and that is what I hope to have in the future. Although the prospect of the detail part of having my own business is daunting, I am going to have some detail work no matter what I do, so better to be in charge of myself!

Have you thought about going back to school? What are you interests? What would you do if money and ADD were no object? That is an important question to ask yourself. What types of jobs are you looking for and what jobs did you have in the past? Which ones did you like and why?

What I love about this forum is that we can "rant" if we want to and no one judges us...

Janis said:
I've read everything, and it all describes me perfectly. Like many of you, I've had tons of jobs. They're in different industries and in different types of positions. So, now employers look and see not only job hopping, they see totally different jobs. I got my last job because I was able to say that, "after trying all of these other positions, I realized that [the position applying for] is the one that I enjoy the most and perform the best in." Then, six months later, I screwed up payroll for the second time because of distractions and was fired. Now, I'm again in the same situation. This time, though, the economy makes it hard in the first place and with my resume limitations, it is impossible. I can usually get a call/email back when I send out either a skills-based resume or a resume without dates. But, in the callback, they ask for a "regular" resume with dates. Once I send that or say that I'd prefer to bring it in person, they are no longer interested.

I also have a couple gaps in employment - one for law school (which I couldn't complete because of ADHD) and one for back surgery. If I mention law school, the employer wants to know why I didn't finish and why I would be interested in the position being offered if I had gone to law school for two years. If I say that I've had back surgery, they're not interested because it'll put their insurance premiums up or they're concerned that I'll be off again for surgery.

I'm just getting more and more depressed, and my unemployment is running out. I know that I probably can't "handle" the $60K+ positions because of my ADHD, but for any position for which I'd be underemployed, I'm told that I'm overqualified or I know I would be bored, which is the absolute worst for me.

I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. Sorry - this has turned into a kind of rant rather than a question.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by paisley on March 8, 2010 at 10:22pm: KD--I would be very interested in this! Maybe like a mutual coaching arrangement?; ▶ Reply to This