Away away away...

So I have been away for years.  I mean years, which is rather sad and really, I have no excuses. 

Recently I have gone through the worst pancreatitis attack I have ever gone through with 4 months of healing. (No, I don't drink at all).  While recovering I had to go off all ADHD meds since they were messing with my stomach.  Stratera caused horrible cramping during my periods, and Adderall and Ritilan caused my stomach to hurt.  During this time we discovered my 9 year old daughter is ADHD joining her Inattentive ADD sister (13) and myself. We started an extensive "brain training" program, but it looks like the little one will need to go on meds herself.

On top of this I've decided to leave my husband. He married me for "access" to the girls (to ensure his custody rights) and not for love.  We've been living as roommates and he has been abusive verbally and emotionally to the girls and myself.

I see my psych on Wednesday.  We're hoping to get me back on ADD meds to assist with my focus at work and at home.  I'm also finding that having switched from Paxil to Cymbalta my depression has gotten worse.  I know meds don't cure, but I hope they help.

I feel scared and depressed, hopeless and clueless.  I can't help my daughters because I didn't know how to deal with those issues then.  I'm struggling with packing, organizing and motivation as is.  How can I tell them to clean their room when mine is a disaster?  How can I tell them to get something done when I myself procrastinate? How can I get the little one to stop throwing a tantrum when the tantrum causes me to get angry and I can't calm her down?  I'm blessed with a stable job and friends and family that care.  I know the depression will pass.  But how do I help them in the mean time?

I'm sorry, this is more a vent than a blog post.