I was searching the net in desparation looking for some kind of help, advice, or at least a product to waste my money on that will help me. My llife is what it is.... I have a good (albeit temp) job, money problems are under control for the most part.
Still, I am just so achingly overwhelmed whenever I walk into my house. It's the cutest little place. My husband and I thought we'd be happy here. I was finally able to deal with the organization part of life and he did what I delegated. He has ADD too, but uses his LD's as an excuse to always make me do the thinking.
Fast forward 6 months after we moved in. I had everything so well organized for the move. The guys made fun of my way of separating and packing things using a million different boxes to categorize, to the point where they told everyone I'm a box hoarder, and even threw away some of the plastic bins that I paid good money for. They thought it was funny. They didn't realize that I had finally found the way that I could really really succeed, and was succeeding, in the fight against clutter. This was the first time ever and I realized that there is so much more to life when you don't live in a hellhole full of fruit flies. I had my perfected method, I was doing great and I had self confidence I never thought possible. By making it seem pathological and unacceptable, using humiliation among other things, they made me feel just stupid enough to stop and try to find another way to do it.
Everything has fallen apart. I don't expect Mike to clean up after me... but if he could help with the planning and we had equal voices I could do this. He won't help though, other than literally shoveling out a whole room at once every so often, then trashing it immediately. I have to find the mail and track bills, pay them, plan meals around his diabetes and picky appetite, do the laundry, ask HIM to please do me a favor and help me when I can't do it all alone (and only with specific tasks), and, to top it off, maintain everything clean and neat while he spills ashtrays and insists that his clothing is kept on the floor. His job is the litterbox. Which he sucks at. The cat has peed and pooped all over my stuff, ruining some things that cannot be replaced.
I can't take it anymore! I'm a psych nurse and I work 5 overnight shifts a week. When I come home I need to relax! But as soon as I walk in the thoughts race faster and faster and soon I have a panic attack. I'm so out of habit of being functional that I can't start again. There is not one tiny spot in this hell where I can relax. The thoughts are racing and they are all despairing.
He agreed over the phone to again "help me" clean up our lives, but I just don't have the strength. It will just get trashed.... I can't quit my job to pick up after him and he doesn't even wash his own work clothes.
I thought I'd made it. I was being the adultish person I needed to be before, getting all the organization done, hard yes, but enough to be able to chill out sometimes. I only ever had worked out that one way, with the boxes, and some help from Flylady, who he hates. I used all of my motivation and imagination creating the first system. I can't bring myself to use it again. It was like 7th grade when everyone started making fun of it.
This may seem trivial, but it's ruined any possibility of relaxation for me. I was hit and screamed at as a child for being a slob. I can't relax when the place is this bad.
I am just so overwhelmed and becoming less hopefull that my life will ever change. I don't want to live this way. But I don't see any other options.