For Women with ADHD ADD Who Want to Connect

I'm a mess

Well. As I explained in my other blog I stopped my Straterra because I won't have insurance to cover it soon. However I'm still filling my rx. I'm suppose to take 2-40 mg tables a day. Well, I started a new job on Nov 18th. I work for an Eye Doctor. I've had a horrible week. They say I'm not "Thinking". I feel like I am. I'm trying to do a good job. I like everyone there and feel like I finally found something I can stick out. I can honestly say until Tue. I had no idea how bad my A.D.D can be. Heres some of my responsibilities. I'm required to pull charts for the day. First I need them in order by appointment time. I need to put 2010 stickers on them. I need to make charts for new patient. I need to insert the correct form. There are 4 different forms depending on appointment type (contact apt, eye exam, contact & Eye exam, and Medical). Then I need to pull out the health history and make sure the price for the opto map is correct because some of the health history forms are old and say $30 instead of 5. I need to put the correct forms in the new patients folders ( welcome to forms, health history, and privacy act form). I need to have the insurance pulled and in the chart.
For most people this would seem simple so why is it I can check and recheck these dam folders and still have them wrong? Its like I look at them with my eye closed. Sorta like I always open my phone to check the time and flip it shut without really paying attention to what the clock says. So I do it again 2 min later.
So, then theres scheduling. Drs only there Mon-Thur. Mon and Thur she takes a 2 hour lunch. Mon, Wed, and Thur the contact lens tech leaves early. I can not set up first time teach appointments on Tue, Fri and Sat because they are hour long appointments. The other Dr. is only there Tue, Fri and Sat. See, I know this so why is it I scheduled patients during the doctors 2 hour lunch today. fml!
Shes not happy with me. I got so frustrated I cried Tue and Thur I cried and said maybe I should just leave because obviously I can't handle the job. I want this job more then anything and I feel like such an idiot. I started my medication again. Only 1 a day for the last 3 days. What the heck am I going to do when I cant take it anymore.
OH I've tried to fax from the postage machine my first week. Left my car running locked till lunch. The phone was ringing and I went to help someone on hold and picked up the persons line calling in saying "Thank you for holding". I've also called someone to confirm an appointment and said "Just calling to let you know your glasses are in" :o( I can't keep anything straight. I feel doomed. Why can I have great day and then fall apart like this.

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Comment by twistdsunshine on January 26, 2010 at 10:01am: Sorry that should say now... not know. And for the record I have NEVER had this many problems at a job. Never. I'm starting to wonder if the strattera actually messed me up. Maybe I should of never started taking it. to late I guess!

Comment by twistdsunshine on January 26, 2010 at 9:59am: Thanks for the advice guys. I did start taking it again but I seem to have really horrible days. Especially Mondays. I guess I can only do the best I can and if I do lose my job I know that its not because of lack of effort. I feel like people think I'm an idiot because they have to tell me things so many times. I've never felt more... abnormal in my life. If I ever doubted I really do have a.d.d I don't know! I feel like its a serious disability for me. I just can't handle a job with so many things to remember. Which pretty much stinks because I like to stay busy and I feel like I'm working very hard and doing a good job, but later find all these mistakes. Problem is because I'm front in reception in a dr.s office I'm not usually the one that finds the mistakes. Its the Doc or someone else. I'm going to get off here cause I feel my chest getting tight and I need to get ready for work.

Comment by Natasha on January 14, 2010 at 10:00pm: I have to go off Straterra too cuase my hair is FALLING OUT! and this scares me to try new meds so I think I am gonna focus on researching diet and vitamins...

Comment by Natasha on January 14, 2010 at 9:57pm: I do that to my phone too!!!!!!!

Comment by bamagirl on January 13, 2010 at 10:53pm: This is my first time to post. I got hurt on the job almost 4 years ago and they cut off my insurance four months later. There are a few places I have found for my meds. If you go to the CHADD website they have a rx card you can print out and you can put in your zip code to find a pharmacy that will give discount and you can put in the name of the drug and dosage and it will tell you how much and at what pharmacies. I am on generic adderall. I went to Costco and got a great price ( you do not have to be a member to use pharmacy), also if you can go to Sam's Club they will match anyones price. I know it's hard right now, just hang in there:) It sounds like there is a lot of good support here and that is wonderful. Glad to have found u all:)

Comment by Karen L on January 9, 2010 at 2:52am: Deanna - Those links are great....if you don't have insurance. The fine print states that if you have insurance (doesn't matter if it covers ADHD, meds or not) then you are automatically disqualified. Which is where I fall. I looked into it already. Thanks for the information though.

Twisted - Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. I work in an office and do reception in the afternoons. You know how many times I've hung up on people on accident? Or transferred to the wrong extension or can't hear the caller and have to ask them to repeat themselves? Or re-greeted people on hold? How many times have I gone to ask for someone to look for the error when balancing the cash box only to have it be something plain as day? How many times have I asked how to do something I've done a hundred times but because I haven't done it yesterday, I forgot completely how to do it? How many times do I do my daily tasks only to know they're confusing and I'll never understand them but I do them anyway because that's what I was taught? I fill in for the mail when my supervisor isn't there and how many times do I have to ask what day the mail goes to our other locations? How many times do I have to ask other people to get me supplies (cuz I can't leave the phones) because I forgot to do it during my little break or at lunch? How long do I have to stay stuck in a position that I only partly enjoy because I can't seem to figure out how to advance myself? (always the receptionist, never the admin. seems to forever elude me and I don't know why)

So you see, we can drive ourselves nuts by swirling our hyperactive thoughts with these types of questions and self-defeating comments. We need to try to laugh them off. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes it's hard to laugh them off when we make the same mistakes over and over but it's important to laugh sometimes.

I'm not on meds either anymore. The dexedrine wasn't working anyway and now i'm not even going to therapy because I can't afford it. I have this wonderful support group here and alanon. Stay with the meds until you can't afford them anymore. Keep writing here. I'm probably going to overwhelm everyone here (monopolize) with posts because I need support and input.

It'll be okay. I know you like your job and it's your passion that will help pull you through. Maybe you can talk to your boss about your struggles in a gentle way? Tell her that you know you have these problems but you are always doing the best you can and that you'll continue to improve. You don't have to tell her you have ADHD.

Good luck and hang in there. :)

Comment by DeAnna on January 8, 2010 at 2:49pm: Wow! You are a mess! I know how you feel though. REALLY. Reading your post I was formulating all sorts of solutions and words of advice for you, but when it comes right down to it, that just sucks! Besides, when you have ADD, it seems like people are always trying to give you ideas for keeping it all straight, which is great, unless you've got a brain that's fighting you every step of the way. So, it sucks, but NO, I don't think you're doomed. Oh... here comes the advice. :) First, you've just started a new job and it sounds like you've got some other changes going on as well, which means with or without medication, you're brain is in overload. Probably not the best time to cut out your meds. My thoughts are use the meds now like you're supposed to so you can learn your job well and show everyone that works there how capable you are. When you have to go off your meds, you might be scattered, but at least you won't be tackling new job AND trying to make an impression at the same time. About the meds, have you looked in to getting assistance for paying for them? Sometimes you can call the drug companies and tell them you can't afford it and they will actually cut you a deal. Or, there might be other programs out there that could help also. I looked into this a bit before I suggested it, and I found this on the manufacturers website:

Lilly provides specialized programs that help patients get access to needed medications. More information on specific programs can be found by visiting www.lilly.com or Partnership for Prescription Assistance (PPARx) program at www.pparx.org or call 1-888-477-2669.

If you haven't already, it might be worth checking it to??? Here's a link to the page where I got that info: http://www.strattera.com/redesign_common/ask_lilly.jsp

On a purely emotional note, I really hate if for you that you're going through this. The good news is, nothing ever stays the same, so it can't be this rough forever! And for people with ADD, things change even faster! Ok... it's a stretch... but it makes me feel better when things suck!

Good luck. I hope everything pans out for you soon! And tell your nasty ADD to CHILL OUT! Doesn't it know you've got a life to live??? ;)